This isn't really about kindergarten; this is more about how God takes us from where we're at to where we need to go. But I did hate kindergarten. They didn't teach kindergartners to read in those days, which was a great disappointment to me. But the main reason I hated kindergarten was: my only friends, Lisa and Lynn, both moved away, leaving me feeling very alone in that school, and there was way too much playtime to remind me that I was a loser in the social world. I decided I was unwanted (which probably wasn't true). That made things worse, because how was I going to find the courage to pursue a friendship with anyone, when I believed they didn't want me? This situation continued for six long years. Then in seventh grade, some wonderful friends came into my life. (By the way, I had grown up with these girls and knew them before seventh grade. But we just never connected with each other until then.) By age 12 though, I was fully convinced that I was a social failure, and there was a deep and lingering sadness in my heart from all those years of loneliness.
Fast forward to college, when I was trying to decide whether I was going to let Jesus have my life. He had made it clear to me that He was supposed to be my Master. I just wasn't yet sure that was a good idea. I knew that following Jesus included inviting others to follow Him. And that could get me labeled as a Jesus freak, jeopardizing my chances of starting over my social life, which was my #1 goal in college.
Then one day I was walking the half mile from my dorm to campus, and God reminded me of a Bible verse I'd seen on a Lutheran Rally Day pin: "I am with you always" (Matthew 28:20). I knew that God was speaking to me, and those five words spoke volumes. He (we're talking GOD here) really WANTED to be involved in my small, ordinary, boring life. Every minute of it. And that said love to me. Then it became clear that since He cared about me that much, He would do what was best for me; so I could trust Him with my whole life. From that moment on, I was his, heart and soul.
Not until recently did I begin to realize why all that loneliness in my childhood was necessary. I had to feel a need and see that Jesus meets it. I had a sad and lonely heart and I knew it. As soon as Jesus told me that He wanted me, I wanted Him. How perfect.
I'm so glad that the Lord pursued me when I wasn't looking for Him, because that further proves to me that He wants me.
Now I am a Jesus freak, and I love it.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
December's Letter of the Month
Letter of the month: J for Jesus!
And since December is the time for giving gifts, let me tell you what Jesus has given us: Himself. And when you have Jesus, you have everything. 2 Corinthians 1:21-22 says, "He who establishes us with you in Christ and anointed us is God, who also sealed us and GAVE US THE SPIRIT IN OUR HEARTS" (the Spirit--that's HIM). Love it, love it. When I say He gives us everything, I do mean everything. He told me that He put His love in my heart (Romans 5:5), He's always thinking of me (Psalm 139:1), and He's so happy that I am His. I get pictures in my mind, and I can see His wonderful smiling face all the time, all the time. Nothing makes Him stop loving me. It's too good to be true, but it is true. Thank you Jesus, SO much.
And since December is the time for giving gifts, let me tell you what Jesus has given us: Himself. And when you have Jesus, you have everything. 2 Corinthians 1:21-22 says, "He who establishes us with you in Christ and anointed us is God, who also sealed us and GAVE US THE SPIRIT IN OUR HEARTS" (the Spirit--that's HIM). Love it, love it. When I say He gives us everything, I do mean everything. He told me that He put His love in my heart (Romans 5:5), He's always thinking of me (Psalm 139:1), and He's so happy that I am His. I get pictures in my mind, and I can see His wonderful smiling face all the time, all the time. Nothing makes Him stop loving me. It's too good to be true, but it is true. Thank you Jesus, SO much.
Friday, November 20, 2009
How God Made Me
In my Exchanged Life training, I learned that I'm a "C" type of person. "C" for conscientious, meaning that I read instruction manuals and try to do everything right. The problem with that is that I spend a lot of time telling others they're doing things wrong, and that doesn't make me popular. Oh, to be an "I" (inspirational) person and know how to be a good friend. One thing I'm starting to see is that if instead of focusing on what's wrong, I just share with others what God has taught me, that can actually be encouraging. I've certainly have made the same mistakes that I see others make; I can share what I've learned from all of my bad days. And it helps to express appreciation for people, because there's plenty to appreciate.
It really makes me happier to remember that God isn't going to just let me sit and rot in my unloving tendencies. He's going to teach me to love the way He loves. I love Ephesians 2:10 where it says that God created us IN CHRIST JESUS (that's gotta be good) to do good works which He prepared in advance for us to do.
Back to the subject of bad days, wow, Monday was one. My two homeschooled girls and I were all in a bad mood. Then in the afternoon when I told my 13-year-old to do her homework, she said, "I have a brain." Translation: Mom, get off my case. At this point three of my daughters were displeased with me, and I went to my room, put my head under my pillow and cried. I love the way Jesus shows up at times like that. He told me, "Go back and love them." And He told me to try to understand how life looks from their perspective (like He does). I went back to Kelly and said, "I know you have a brain." And I told my two youngest that I realized school is difficult in some ways. I think it helped.
NEXT SUBJECT: ASSURANCE
That was the topic at Exchanged Lives a week ago, a topic near and dear to my heart since I spent a year and a half wondering if I had lost my salvation. A bit of history: I trusted in Jesus for salvation when I was 18, and have spent my whole adult life trying to follow Him. He's everything to me...Nonetheless, about three years ago I found myself unsure about my spiritual status; here's how all that started: Once I didn't get what I prayed for, which wouldn't have been any big deal since it was a somewhat insignificant thing that I had asked for. But I (at the time) was convinced that it was God's will and I was trying so hard to have faith that God would give me what I asked for. Then when it didn't happen, I got angry and told God He was wrong to not grant me what I'd requested. It took me only a minute or two to repent and decide that God wasn't wrong after all; I just didn't understand what He was up to. A month or two later, I remembered the incident and started to wonder if I had committed the unforgivable sin, blaspheming against the Holy Spirit (Mark 3:29). I certainly had treated God disrespectfully. The thought of Jesus leaving me made me feel very sad and lonely. I got advice from two Bible scholars who both told me I had nothing to worry about. So I decided to let it go. But every time I read in the Bible about blaspheming against the Spirit, I would get a nagging worry. When Dr. Dave Orrison came to speak to my class about assurance, it was so encouraging to hear him say that God is love, and He really isn't looking for an excuse to condemn people, but He's looking to save people. That's pretty much exactly what my husband told me on day one of this whole mess of mine. I then told God that I was sorry for questioning His kindness. He brought to mind this verse, which I found very reassuring: "this is the will of Him who sent Me, that of all that He has given Me I lose nothing, but raise it up on the last day." (John 6:39) Isn't He wonderful?
It really makes me happier to remember that God isn't going to just let me sit and rot in my unloving tendencies. He's going to teach me to love the way He loves. I love Ephesians 2:10 where it says that God created us IN CHRIST JESUS (that's gotta be good) to do good works which He prepared in advance for us to do.
Back to the subject of bad days, wow, Monday was one. My two homeschooled girls and I were all in a bad mood. Then in the afternoon when I told my 13-year-old to do her homework, she said, "I have a brain." Translation: Mom, get off my case. At this point three of my daughters were displeased with me, and I went to my room, put my head under my pillow and cried. I love the way Jesus shows up at times like that. He told me, "Go back and love them." And He told me to try to understand how life looks from their perspective (like He does). I went back to Kelly and said, "I know you have a brain." And I told my two youngest that I realized school is difficult in some ways. I think it helped.
NEXT SUBJECT: ASSURANCE
That was the topic at Exchanged Lives a week ago, a topic near and dear to my heart since I spent a year and a half wondering if I had lost my salvation. A bit of history: I trusted in Jesus for salvation when I was 18, and have spent my whole adult life trying to follow Him. He's everything to me...Nonetheless, about three years ago I found myself unsure about my spiritual status; here's how all that started: Once I didn't get what I prayed for, which wouldn't have been any big deal since it was a somewhat insignificant thing that I had asked for. But I (at the time) was convinced that it was God's will and I was trying so hard to have faith that God would give me what I asked for. Then when it didn't happen, I got angry and told God He was wrong to not grant me what I'd requested. It took me only a minute or two to repent and decide that God wasn't wrong after all; I just didn't understand what He was up to. A month or two later, I remembered the incident and started to wonder if I had committed the unforgivable sin, blaspheming against the Holy Spirit (Mark 3:29). I certainly had treated God disrespectfully. The thought of Jesus leaving me made me feel very sad and lonely. I got advice from two Bible scholars who both told me I had nothing to worry about. So I decided to let it go. But every time I read in the Bible about blaspheming against the Spirit, I would get a nagging worry. When Dr. Dave Orrison came to speak to my class about assurance, it was so encouraging to hear him say that God is love, and He really isn't looking for an excuse to condemn people, but He's looking to save people. That's pretty much exactly what my husband told me on day one of this whole mess of mine. I then told God that I was sorry for questioning His kindness. He brought to mind this verse, which I found very reassuring: "this is the will of Him who sent Me, that of all that He has given Me I lose nothing, but raise it up on the last day." (John 6:39) Isn't He wonderful?
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Letter of the Month
Q is the letter of the month for November because it's short for thang-Q. I am thangQful for:
autumn leaves that crunch under my feet
laughter
family, friends and Jesus
Quelly (my daughter Kelly's nickname)
Quiet :)
People who serve in the military
autumn leaves that crunch under my feet
laughter
family, friends and Jesus
Quelly (my daughter Kelly's nickname)
Quiet :)
People who serve in the military
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