More about Abba and the Prodigal God

I really liked the last chapter in The Prodigal God, because it talked about salvation as "not only objective and legal but also subjective and experiential." He points out that the Bible calls us to "taste and see" that the Lord is good.

As I was thinking about the parable of the prodigal, I did get a taste of God's goodness. In Luke 15:31, the father in the parable is speaking to his older son and he says, "Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours." It deeply impressed me that God is my father; He is totally involved in every moment of my life, and He has given me everything He has. Capital E. Everything. This gives me a sense of belonging to Him and being forever and always embraced by His love and care. It brings Him close instead of far away. :)

The Prodigal God

My daughter's church has been reading The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller, so I decided to read it too, and God has been speaking to me through it. But before I get to that, maybe I should explain the title. The word prodigal means wasteful and extravagant. We think of the prodigal son wasting money, but God is also wasteful, with His love, because He loves people who haven't earned it and don't appreciate it.

This book talks a lot about the older brother in the parable of the prodigal (in Luke 15), and I find that I have been way too much like him. Keller points out that people who think like the elder brother see themselves as superior to others and are subconsciously insecure. I spent my whole childhood trying to find a way to be better than my sister Marilyn because I was jealous of her. I see now that my insecurity was from trying to make myself good. That is doomed to fail, and deep down I knew I could only get so far with this. The truth is that only God can make anyone good.

Keller also says that the elder brother was good for selfish reasons: he wanted to earn a reward; he wanted his father to owe him so that he could control his father. He wasn't motivated by love. I have done a lot of good for the sake of justifying my own existence, trying to earn a sense of worthiness, and trying to feel good about myself. This has born ugly fruit; I'm afraid I probably have passed this on to my children.

Keller says, "The last sign of the elder-brother spirit is a lack of assurance of the father's love. The older son says, 'You never threw me a party.' " Oh yes I have been there. It comes as a surprise to me that God considers me special, and that He's always thinking of me. Does He really want to bless me/us? Is Ephesians 1:3 really true? It says, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ."

Wow.

Transformation

Yesterday my friend Marie and I watched session one of Theophostic prayer ministry training. To briefly explain Theophostic, it's mostly about helping people encounter Jesus and be transformed. While watching this dvd, I definitely had an aha moment, and I want to share that. The teacher, Ed Smith, said that to be transformed means to become something completely different, which left me thinking: there's no way I can make that happen! It has to be a work of God. My best option is to cooperate with what He's doing. This thought left me with a fear of doing anything without looking to the Lord first. It now makes sense that Jesus gives our souls rest, because He does all the work. We just let the river flow. Making choices and believing truth, Mr. Smith said. That's our job. I keep picturing myself as an 18-month-old looking up at God my Father. What I see on that child's face is helplessness, unguardedness, cluelessness, dependence, and a desire for love. God looks like the father of the prodigal, very loving, very much cherishing His child, continually tuned in to the little one whom He considers very important and special. :)

Jesus Cares about Our Desires

"Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, 'Do you want to be made well?'" John 5:5-6

John Eldredge, in his book The Journey of Desire, commented on this scripture: "Jesus took him back into the secret of his own heart. By asking him what he wanted, Jesus took the man back into his desire. Why? It is where we must go if we are to meet God...Christianity is not an invitation to become a moral person. It is not a program for getting us in line or for reforming society. It has a powerful effect upon our lives, but when transformation comes, it is always the aftereffect of something else, something at the level of our hearts."

Does Jesus really care about what we want? We know that Jesus cares about everything that concerns us, but do our hearts really believe it? Mine has questioned it. Look at what the Bible says:

"Lord, lift up the light of Your countenance upon us. You have put gladness in my heart." Psalm 4:6-7

"How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, and You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures." Psalm 36:7-8

I know that because Jesus lives in me, He has put good desires into my heart. When I desire something that's bad, it seems there's always lack of faith underneath it. If I want to be honored by others instead of seeking to glorify God, it's because I fear that I'm worthless without the applause. Well, how can this be true? No one is worthless if God lives in them. If I prefer to avoid rejection rather than taking the risks involved in loving others, it's because I can't bear the thought of the emotional pain. Do I not believe that the Lord will be there for me when life gets painful? Often I don't, and consequently the dysfunctional desire overrides the godly desire to love.

What about other good desires? Like the man in John 5 who had the infirmity, I want Jesus to heal me; I want spiritual healing. Jesus recognized that as a legitimate desire. The Bible says He's already done that (1 Peter 2:24), but we need God's Spirit to help us see what we've already been given, and to believe it.

A big desire for me is rest. I think it'd be nice if I didn't always feel like stuff was "hanging over my head". Can you relate? Again, it has to be OK with Jesus if we want this, because He promises to give it (Matthew 11:28-30). I strongly suspect that I'm carrying my own yoke instead of Jesus' easy yoke, and that's why there's no rest. I was not created to run my own life. No wonder I get exhausted when I attempt that. Why do I attempt that? I don't believe that Jesus will shepherd me.

Thus are the struggles of Sandra. The cool thing is, the fear and the unbelief are fixable. We don't have to live with our spiritual infirmities. Jesus heals them. Thank You Jesus!