Forgiving Myself and a Message from God

Forgiving Myself:

Bret was my mentor during Exchanged Lives' class, and he helped me pray through a fairly long list of judgments I have made against myself. Here's the list of stuff I had been judging myself for, and that I forgave myself for: 1)judging myself (Matt. 7:1), 2) thinking I'm a social failure with no hope of change, 3) thinking that nobody cares about me, 4) thinking that I am alone, 5) thinking that I don't belong on this planet, 6) thinking that I'm invisible and unimportant, 7) believing that I am worthless and unworthy, 8) believing that nobody likes me, 9) thinking I have to be perfect, and 10) my failures as a mom.
After forgiving myself for all that, I realized a few things: 1) judging myself is wrong, 2) God forgave me for all of this long ago; my sin doesn't bother God (OK He hates sin, but Jesus took my sin AWAY!) He has completely forgotten it (Hebrews 8:12); all of my sin is completely GONE from His mind, and 3) because I am in Christ, none of this negative stuff is true about the real me. The new person that God made me is loving, righteous, good, even worthy of respect and honor.
After Bret and I prayed through this, he said to me, "Look into the face of Jesus. What do you see?" The thought of it put a thrill in my heart because Jesus is my Bridegroom! I got a picture in my mind, but I couldn't see a face. There was just light and warmth coming from the Lord, and the warmth was His love; I could feel it in my heart. Bret asked me what I sensed He was saying to me, and it was this: "I love you as you are, even if you don't do everything right." For someone with a long history of perfectionism, this was wonderful to hear.
All of this freed me from a bunch of guilt and shame, and it felt GOOD. I felt like, maybe I'm OK after all. God and Bret helped me a lot, and there was a lot of joy in it.

A Message from God

God gave Bret this message for me, and I love it:
"...He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy."
Daughter,
I enjoy you; you make Me smile. I want you to see yourself as I see you; you are precious to Me. Know My joy over you and joy will permeate your life. I have placed gifts in you which are like treasures to be discovered. I will be to you the Father you have always wanted. I enjoy walking with you, daughter."
Love,
God

I share this because even though it is very special to me, it's not just for me; God feels this way about all of His children. May Jesus bless you with His love for you.

If I Could Start Over

If I could start my life over again, I would value each person for themselves, as they are, because God has made everybody amazing. There was a time when I thought that what God wanted from me was for me to preach to everyone and help them follow Him. I thought God valued people according to their behavior and accomplishments. I didn't think God liked us as we are, apart from what we do. I wasn't fully aware that this is what I believed; sometimes people say they believe something, and their life shows that, whether they realize it or not, they really believe something else. And because I thought God was judging us like that, I was judging everyone like that too. To all of you who have been hurt by my judgmental attitude, I'm very sorry. Please forgive me.
Here's the truth: God loves all of us enough that He sent His only Son to die for us. He values us that much. All of us.
Thank you Lord.

Arguing with God

In my quiet time the other day I read 2 Corinthians 6:11: "We have spoken freely to you, our heart is wide open." I knew it was a message to me: tear down the wall around your heart and love people, even if your heart gets stepped on. Um, I didn't want to do that, because at some point in my life I decided that most people on this planet don't care about me, and at this particular moment I was angry (hurt too, but mostly angry), and I thought that the familiar loneliness behind my wall wouldn't be so bad. I know how to live with that (the term "live" being used loosely).
One problem: Jesus wasn't agreeing with me. He reminded me of John 12:26: "If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also ." Jesus was saying to me, "You know those people that you don't want to love? I'm going to them. Are you coming? In my mind I could see Him walking away. Not that He would ever leave me. He absolutely would not. But if I choose my own way, it could feel like He wasn't with me, and I knew that. Ummmmmmmmm.........................(some pausing and pondering)
In the end I said yes to Him. This is how He turned my heart around: He reminded me of a time when my way of living was full of harshness, coldness and blindness, and He patiently led me to some people who helped me out of that mess. And He helped some people forgive me. I knew it was my turn to be patient and forbearing, if needed. I prayed, "Yes, Lord, I'll go with You." And there was a wonderful peace in my heart. It's a bit alarming that I came so close to making a majorly bad decision, but it's very reassuring to see how God turned me around. His Spirit bore witness with my spirit that I am His child, with a heart like His. (see Romans 8:16)
Here are some lyrics from a song by Steele Crosswhite called "Heartbeat":

Bring me so close that I can hear nothing more

Only the heartbeat of the Lord.

(By the way, God says yes to the request in those lyrics. See James 4:8)

Breakfast Conversation

This morning my 11-year-old, Kara, said she had dreamed that she hatched a chicken egg with an improvised incubator made from a lamp and a drawer. My Kara has such a nurturing heart; she even dreams about taking care of somebody. She has a pet rabbit, Bella, who is the most pampered rabbit in the world.
Bella had joined us for this conversation, and I started wondering out loud how the world must look to an animal that has eyes on the sides of its head, and how its brain processes that. Then my oldest daughter, Amy, told us about what she's been learning about human vision. She said our eyes see upside down, and our brain interprets it as rightside up. I think there's a spiritual analogy here. Ephesians 4:15 and 5:30 speak of the church as a body, with Jesus as its head, which of course includes the brain. Jesus takes our upside down view of life and turns it rightside up so we can see things as they are!
But Jesus doesn't just help us see; He also gives careful, loving attention to every member of His body: every person's needs (Philippians 4:19), every person's every thought (Psalm 139:1-2). "How precious...are Your thoughts to me, O God!....Keep me as the apple of Your eye (Psalm 139:17, 17:8).

Purple Pegasus and Cookie Monster Cousin

by Jana Anderson

As the purple pegasus approached another overgrown bush, a skunk appeared. Utterly terrified, he made a dash for home. As he stood panting in the kitchen, a door knocked. (He has 42 front doors and 68 back ones.) He raced to open them. Finally door #28B concealed his cousin, who gave him cookies. As they munched tea and drank cookies, his cousin declared it was only 2 years till his birthday. He gave the purple pegasus his wish list:
Wish List
potatoes
unicorn
black cat
cookies
cookies
cookies
cookies
cookies
cookies
throw blankets
throw pillows
cheese
pie
cookies
P.S. The purple pegasus is still sick with pink disease. (Eating tea and drinking cookies is a wonderful antidote.)
P.P.S. The purple pegasus's official name is: Purple Pegasus Lightbulb The

Under His Wings

One of the most poignant moments in Jesus' life was when He looked over Jerusalem and said, "How often I wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn't let me." (Matthew 23:37). When His people rejected Him, it was the death of His dream. He has the same dream for all of us. He wants to bring us near and keep us there, safe and secure. Forever. Life is in Him (Romans 6:23): in His love, in His protection, in His constant, faithful care, in His comfort, in His family, in His warm embrace, in His joy, in His affection, in His compassion. Sometimes I can almost see His smiling face, always so delighted that I belong to Him.

Purple Pegasus Update

by Jana Anderson

The Purple Pegasus is kidnapping cats. He has kidnapped eight of them. He gives them to his brother, the Green Pegasus, who lives in the Green Hat Mountains. The Green Pegasus is lonely and the Purple Pegasus gives the cats to him to be his friends. The cats like the Green Pegasus, but don't like the Purple Pegasus, so they disown him and he goes to live with his sister, the Incredibly Pink Pegasus. The Incredibly Pink Pegasus agrees to let him stay if he paints her refrigerator (the only thing in the house not pink) pink. But soon he leaves the house because he is sick with pink disease. Then he buys a house that IS NOT pink.