More about God's Love

We bought a car! And we're thankful for that. We spent a bunch of money, but I think we got a good deal.
I just wanted to share a couple more verses that have encouraged me:
Deuteronomy 1:31 "...you saw how the Lord your God carried you, just as a man carries his son"
Isaiah 66:13 "As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you"
These verses speak of the tender love of a parent for a child. I like to imagine myself as a little baby asleep in Father's arms-- so safe, protected, and loved. This brings a lot of peace to my heart.
I pray that all of us will know Father God's love more and more.

God's Love

I wanted to share some thoughts about God's love that have encouraged me lately:

IN CREATION
We see God's love in what He created for us. Here's a great quote from Love and War, by John and Stasi Eldredge: "We live in a love story. We are created for romance and we have an insatiable capacity for it. Now, God gave us such a heart; it was one of His first gifts to us. (You have to have a heart to live in a love story.) Then He gives to us this world that is so breathtakingly beautiful. "The earth is filled with the love of the Lord" (Psalm 33:5). You see it in the fact that He made grass just firm enough that it stands up straight like a carpet, but not too firm that it hurts you when you run on it with bare feet. And He makes snow just firm enough for snowballs and sledding, but not so firm that it hurts us when it falls; it falls so softly. He makes birds and their songs just loud enough to be delightful, and He creates our ear to delight in the sound. Do you begin to see the tenderness and the love of God through all creation?"

IN HIS ATTENTIVENESS
The Lord pays attention to our troubles because He cares. He's aware that the Andersons are having trouble finding an affordable car to buy. He knows that my sister doesn't need to be sick when she's already challenged by her responsibilities as a single mom. (Please pray for her, by the way. The doctor is checking a lump on her throat.)
The Lord also pays attention to every minute of our lives, including the ones that we think are insignificant. He sees all the hugs that my daughters give me, and He's aware of their willing attitude as they do their chores. This stuff is important to Him.
Abba also sees the good that He has put in our hearts, the gifts He's given us for displaying His glory, and the plans He has for using those gifts for His purposes. We don't have to be discovered to be important. We don't have to sweat to make God's will come about. He will see to it. That's a relief and an encouragement.

IN CHERISHING PEOPLE
The Lord places infinite value on every person: "You were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold....but with the precious blood of Christ" (1 Peter 1:18-19). The Lord has challenged me to see every person as precious, because that is how He sees them.

God bless you!
Sandra

Overcoming Sin

I spent so many years (after trusting Jesus for salvation!) frustrated with not being able to overcome sin. I have learned three things that have helped, and I want to share them:
1.) Keep a firm grip on the truth about who I am in Christ. The old, sinful self is dead and God has given every Christian the gift of righteousness (Romans 6:6, 5:17).
2.) Depend on the Spirit and not self.
3.) Take emotional pain to Jesus and talk to Him about it. So much of my bad temper has turned out to be a result of fear that was in my heart because of believing lies. Jesus will reveal the root of pain, the lies perpetuating it, and the truth that sets us free. And a close encounter with Him and His love is very very healing. He gives us joy instead of mourning (Isaiah 61:3)
:)

Fear

Sunday was the church Christmas brunch, and I was in the kitchen early Sunday morning about to make some fruit salad, my contribution to the potluck brunch. Jeff was cleaning up Saturday's dirty dishes. I shooed him out of the kitchen so I could finish the cleanup myself and get on with the salad prep. I was feeling pretty stressed about this project, for no real reason--cutting up some fruit isn't very difficult!
I had been pretty bossy to my husband and was feeling bad about that (he forgave me :)). Then I started wondering why I was feeling so much stress and anxiety. It's a cloud that hangs over my head a lot of the time, kind of like living in Seattle. I think there's a lot of fear in my heart: fear that if I don't do everything right, someone will get angry at me or won't respect me. I know that a fear-based life isn't a loving life, hence the bossiness to my husband. As I looked to Jesus, I could sense Him gently and tenderly saying, "If you make mistakes, it doesn't change my love for you or my respect for you." The perfect love of Jesus casts out fear.
This all reminded me of a scene from the movie Imagine That, when Eddy Murphy and his daughter dumped mustard on some nasty black pancakes. They had a precious father/daughter moment even though the pancakes were inedible. Instead, it could have been an ugly moment if the little girl had thought she had to cook as well as Martha Stewart.
In my journal I wrote: PERFECT PROJECTS NOT REQUIRED. PURSUE LOVE.
I pray that we will all know more of the Lord's wonderful love and learn to let His love flow through us to others.
Christmas blessings to all!
Sandra

Light

It's interesting to me that the people who came to worship baby Jesus followed a bright star. In the Bible, light is used to symbolize God's wisdom given to people; also, light means good as opposed to evil. I also think of the light of God's face when He looks at His beloved children (Numbers 6:25, Psalm 44:3). Think of the joy on the face of the prodigal's father when he saw his son coming home and "ran and fell on his neck and kissed him" and said, "Let us eat and be merry." We come to Abba and He rejoices. Amazing, and wonderful.

Rejection

I was in a situation the other day where I was on the receiving end of some disapproving words (or at least they sounded to me like disapproving words). And I was feeling the same unhappiness that I've felt many other times when someone was displeased with me. I realized that there was a lie attached to my emotion, which was: Sandra is a bad person if others don't approve of her. It's an especially effective lie because sometimes I do bad things that earn me negative input from others. But even if it's an unavoidable mistake that irritates someone, I still struggle with thinking I am bad.

I asked Jesus to speak to this. I was in tears, and as Jesus comforted me, I really believe that He was weeping with me. Then He told me that His righteousness is my righteousness, and because of that I'll never be a bad person, even if I sometimes do bad things. He reminded me that He has given me the gift of holiness. The Prince of Peace gave me peace in my heart.

May the Lord also bless you with His peace.

In Christ/Christmas

In Christ

I love what Jesus said in John 14:20: "I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you." This means that every Christian has been given the same close relationship with the Lord as Jesus has with God. Malcolm Smith said, "The miracle of the new birth, by which we pass from the death of sin into the eternal life of the new covenant, is to be understood as our being actually joined to Christ" (The Power of the Blood Covenant). No wonder He calls us members of His body. That's how close we are to Him. What a gift!

Christmas

I was thinking about the angels in the Christmas story in Luke 2, who appeared to the shepherds and said, "Glory to God in the highest." They weren't just mouthing those words like I sometimes do when I sing Christmas carols. The angels' praise was the outflow of adoring hearts.

What is it that moves the heart to praise God? I think Psalm 45:1-2 gives us a clue: "My heart is overflowing with a good theme; I recite my composition concerning the King; my tongue is the pen of a ready writer. You are fairer than the sons of men"

We praise Jesus from the heart when we see how wonderful He is.

God bless your holiday season,

Sandra

Prayer Requests

I'd appreciate prayer for a couple of things: Please pray that my husband would do well on a test on Friday. He has to pass the test to keep his job. Also, my daughter Amy is in China on a mission trip. Please pray for safety for her and her group. Thanks!

These concerns have caused no small amount of anxiety in my heart, and as I was trying to discover the root of it, it occurred to me that I just don't expect that the Lord is going to be there for me, or for my loved ones. As soon as I had this thought, the Lord reminded me of Psalm 139:9-10: "If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me." The Lord really is the hound of heaven! It's not like I have to beg Him to show up. Wherever I am, He is with me, holding me in His hand. That's faithful, constant love. Immediately after this thought, guess what song came on the radio? "You Lift Me Up". This line in the song is especially meaningful to me: "Your arms wrap around me/Your love catches me so I'm letting go.......I surrender to Your love." Abba wants me to receive His loving care, to trust Him to take care of me and my family. If I don't, I live in fear, needless fear, because I believe the lie that He doesn't care and won't help.

Another thing the Lord has been showing me is that I can share all of my life with Him, even the sinful stuff. I was reading in the book The Practice of the Presence of God, by Brother Lawrence. A friend said of Lawrence, "In the beginning, Brother Lawrence declared that a little effort was needed to form the habit of continuously conversing with God, telling Him everything that was happening. However, after a little careful practice, God's love refreshed him, and it all became quite easy." My thought was that it isn't that easy to talk to God all the time, because I'm afraid that He'll be displeased when I have a bad attitude and spew out complaints and criticisms. But Jesus wants everyone to come to Him, including:

-the weary and burdened --Matt. 11:28

-the predestined--Romans 8:30

-the arrogant and self-righteous son (or daughter)--Luke 15:28

-those who want to walk on water--Matt. 14:29

-those who love their wealth--Matt. 19:21

-the thirsty--Isaiah 55:1, John 7:37

-children--Mark 10:14

-the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind, and those in the highways and hedges--Luke 14:16- 23, Luke 18:40

-crooks and criminals--Luke 19:5, 23:43

-the lost-- Luke 19:10

-the fishermen--John 21:12

-the tax collector--Matt. 9:9

It seems that the Lord isn't picky about who he hangs out with. In fact, He is merciful and calls sinners to Himself. And to repentance, which I get tired of because it's so humbling. But "reproofs of instruction are the way of life." (Proverbs 6:23) And I want life.

So I need not be afraid to come to the Lord with my unholy frame of mind, because He is gentle and will heal backsliding and love freely (Hosea 14:4). Hallelujah.

Christmas Thoughts

It's snowing! What a great day to write down some thoughts about Christmas. I was thinking about Zechariah's prophecy in Luke 1:78-79: ...."the Dayspring [dawn, Messiah] from on high has visited us; to give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace."

What does it mean that Jesus is light? It means....

LIFE. "In Him was life, and the life was the light of men." In Greek, that's zoe, life as God has it!

FAVOR. Psalm 44:3 says, "...they did not gain possession of the land by their own sword, nor did their own arm save them; but it was Your right hand, Your arm, and the light of Your countenance, because You favored them." I think that when our heavenly Father looks at His children, His face lights up because He's rejoicing in His beloved ones :)

Freedom in Relationships

I spend a lot of energy worrying about whether I'm going to do or say something to offend my friends and family. The Lord, of course, doesn't require us to earn His love and friendship, and He's been showing me that I don't need to earn it from others either. This is so freeing! I'm not going to stop trying to make others happy, but it's wonderful to be able to stop worrying about it.

A while ago we got a movie from the library called Mozart and the Whale. It's about two autistic people who fell in love with each other. Their disability made them unable to be fake, so they always expressed their feelings and ended up hurting each other often. Yet their love endured through it all. Reminds me of 1 Corinthians 13:4,5: "love....does not take into account a wrong suffered." Another show we watch is House, M.D. That man is such a royal jerk, but I'm wondering if he's testing people to see if they love him in the Biblical way. Kids, don't try this at home! Seriously though, when I think of how many times I've sinned against people, it's a wonder they like or love me at all, yet they do. I'm thinking that relationships aren't as fragile as I had thought. But if I ever did push someone to the end of their patience, I could go on as long as I believed that I could be loved without having to earn it. This is making me very happy!

Little Things

The great challenge of my life is to remember the Lord all day long. Of course I can't do this in the flesh; I need Jesus to keep me looking to Him. Lately He's been showing me that, contrary to what I had thought, He is interested in everyday stuff. He wants to share the "ordinary" moments with me. Everything in my life doesn't have to have five-star excitement in it in order to be significant. The little things in life are precious too, when they are shared with Him. Jesus truly enjoys being with us when we are making lunch or cleaning the house or doing any of the other myriad of mundane daily activities. This means a lot to me. When He said, "I am with you always," He really meant always. Thank You Lord.

Wings

"Those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles" --Isaiah 40:31

Matthew Henry's commentary says, "They soar upward, upward towards God. Pious and devout affections are the eagle's wings on which gracious souls mount up."

Psalm 25 :1 says, "To Thee, O Lord, I lift up my soul."

I like the idea that our souls have wings when we turn them toward God!

"In Thy presence is fulness of joy" --Psalm 16:11

:)

Radiance

"They looked to Him and were radiant" Psalm 34:5

You don't hear the word radiant used much in conversation. I've only heard it used to describe a beautiful bride who's very much in love with her bridegroom.

Jesus my Bridegroom,

Your love makes me radiant. Let me know it more and more until it shows on my face.

Love,

Me

Our Identity in Christ

Today I read 3 John, and verse 11 struck me: "The one who does good is of God; the one who does evil has not seen God." When we see God for who He is, and follow Him as He leads, we do good. When we do good we are being like Him; we Christians are also being ourselves, because He is in us; we are "of God."

Complaining

Last Wednesday I was driving home by myself after dropping off my daughter in Greeley where she goes to college. I had nothing much on my mind, and I couldn't find a good radio station. So I asked the Lord to show me what to think about as I was approaching home. Often when I've been away from home all day (which I had), I come home and feel overwhelmed by the work awaiting me, and/or irritated by the messiness of the house. On this day the Lord showed me that I should cherish my family, as He does. I think of Zephaniah 3:17 and the parable of the prodigal, and I'm thinking I should pray that I'd be as excited about people as the Lord is. Wouldn't that be awesome! My rejoicing gets so squished by little things. Oh Lord, please change this.

The other thing the Lord showed me is that I need to remember that He's there for me. I can look at the messy house and the pile of work, roll up my sleeves and grit my teeth (the Godless option), or I can look with spiritual eyes and see the angels in heaven singing songs of deliverance (Psalm 32:7), and Abba reaching out to take my hand (the happy option). This is a no-brainer. Heavenly Father, I do not want You to be an afterthought.

Parenting

Here's a good verse that pastor Jay shared in today's sermon: "...the Son of Man has come to SEEK and to save..." (Luke 19:10). I like knowing that the Lord pursues our children; this is especially reassuring when they grow up and leave home.

The Extreme God

I've been struck by the thought that God puts all of His infinitely loving heart into everything.

He doesn't just share His thoughts with us; He gives us His mind, with His law written on it (1 Corinthians 2:16, Hebrews 10:16).

He doesn't just give, He gives freely, according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19, James 1:5, Romans 8:32, Matthew 10:8). That's extreme generosity coupled with infinitely abundant resources. Reminds me of Niagara Falls: mighty, gushing, gracious giving.

He gives Himself to us, to the point of death on a cross, and THEN He also comes to live in our hearts.

How about His extreme faithfulness? He doesn't just father us when we're faithful, but also when we're faithless (2 Timothy 2:13, Deuteronomy 1:31).

He doesn't just talk to us a little. He speaks through nature (Psalm 19:1-4), through the word, through His people, through His Spirit within us. One of His names is the Word (John 1:1-5, 14).

He doesn't just think about us sometimes. He has searched us and known us; He knows our thoughts, and every word we speak before we speak it.

He reveals Himself to those who seek Him (Proverbs 2:1-5, Jeremiah 29:13) and those who don't seek Him (Luke 13:34, Romans 10:20-21).

He hasn't just loved us from the moment of conception in the womb; He loved us and chose us to be His before the creation of the world.

He doesn't just forgive the prodigal; He runs to the prodigal when he's still a long way off. See the extreme love of His heart!

When Paul prayed for the Ephesians to know the Lord's love, he ended the prayer with: "Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. AMEN." (Capitalization added by me.) Now, my mind can think up hundreds of ways that I want to be loved, but God's love is more than that! May we all know more of its height and length and width and depth.

Prayer

I've been discussing the subject of prayer with my friends, and that's been interesting and educational. It began with me wondering what to pray for people, since God refuses to violate their free will. I generally pray for people's salvation or growth, but God won't make them be saved or grow. My friend Leslie said that though God may not make up their mind for them, He could, in answer to prayer, heap burning coals on people's heads (Proverbs 25:21-22), in other words, He might put them through a fiery ordeal to make them see that they need Him. Fascinating.

Rock The Range!

Yesterday I woke up with a headache, an anxiety headache. It was going to be a busy day, and I wasn't sure that it would all go smoothly. Jeff and I were going to be counselors at Franklin Graham's Rock the Range Festival, and because I'd never done this before, I wasn't sure I was going to make it to the right places at the right times. My biggest problem was that I was leaving the Lord out of the picture, and I knew it. For awhile now, I've known that I'm not good at trusting Him to help me with whatever I'm facing. I certainly wanted to change that, but it wasn't happening in spite of my efforts and prayers. So I sent up a prayer of desperation (probably God's favorite kind of prayer). I prayed that the Lord would get through to me and help me to trust Him. "I'm tired of feeling alone," I told Him. Specifically, I was tired of feeling like I have to work through all of life's trials, challenges, irritations, and difficulties by myself. I wanted HELP. When I said amen, I knew that help was coming. At least I have walked with Jesus long enough to know that He always shows up.

And He did.

Several bands played at Rock the Range, and one line in the song "Lift Me Up" (by the Afters) spoke to my heart: "In this moment I surrender to Your love". It seems odd that we'd have to surrender to God's love. Shouldn't we just bask in it and enjoy? But all of a sudden it became clear to me that the Lord has this ocean of infinite love FOR ME, but I wasn't receiving it. I had come to appreciate His friendship and His comfort, but I hadn't accepted His help (even though I had faithfully asked for it). I'd been feeling like it was me against the world. That's a bit overwhelming, yes? I began to realize that everything I need is there for me; all I have to do is accept it. Jesus' words, "Abide in My love" (John 15:9) took on new meaning for me. I've known that He meant: get to know My affection for you and let it flow through you to others. Now I see that it also means, let Me shepherd you, share My wisdom with you, take your hand and lead you EVERY step of the way. For probably the first time, my heart was connecting with the truth that Father is present with me for not just the fun and fellowship but also for the work and trials. Of course my brain had known this before. But last night my heart received this as a new revelation.

Later in the evening, Skillet sang, "This is the last night you'll spend alone."

I have never been alone.

But now I'm seeing that more clearly.

I pray that everyone who reads this will see that more clearly too.

Here's the chorus of "Lift Me Up":

"You lift me up when I am weak

Your arms wrap around me

Your love catches me so I'm letting go

You lift me up when I can't see

Your heart is all that I need

Your love carries me so I'm letting go"

The only way we're going to let go is if we know that His love catches us. It does.

My Prayer

I wrote this prayer in my journal today:

Dear Lord,

I repent of assuming that people won't/don't like me and that people don't care about me. Thank You for forgiving me; I forgive myself.

I can't give people the benefit of the doubt without some insight from You, Jesus. How do You see people? It's not hard for me to be compassionate with nonChristians and to not lay expectations on them. It's the Christians that I have trouble with. Lord, give me Your eyes to see Your love in them, regardless of how they behave. Your word is truth, and Your word says that You live in Your people. Some Christians are trying to make themselves good without abiding in You, their Vine. I've been there and I know all too well how much of a failure that's ALWAYS going to be. Father, please help them and me to see that looking to You and listening to You are the most important things we do in a day, and this is the only way to become like You. Help us to allow Your love to flow through us instead of trying to manufacture love apart from You. And please help us to know Your love more; since we love because You first loved us (1 John 4:19).

In Jesus' name,

Amen

2011 Camping Trip

This year's camping trip began Friday when we headed down the road around 8:15 a.m. While we were driving, Jeff told us about his grandpa's 1950 Dodge. Kids could jump on it without denting it. I said, "How was the gas mileage?" Jeff and his brother used to take the Dodge camping and sleep in it.

Jeff also shared a current news item: a woman gave birth Friday morning in a car at Mississippi Ave. and Interstate 225. It was a healthy baby boy.

Our first stop was only about 15 minutes into the trip. Jeff stopped to shut the hatch on our van. We brought a FULL load of stuff.

We saw a lot of Corvettes on I-70. They had license plates that said stuff like "Holy Cow" and "Y Ask Y".

We got on Highway 40, going toward Granby. Liz said, "Look for moose everyone!"

There was a sign saying "Hidden Driveway". We found it, how clever of us.

I announced that I'm scrapbooking this trip, and I told everyone to be interesting. Jeff offered to drive into the ditch.

Ten minutes later: Liz exclaimed, "Still looking for moose. Keep your eyes peeled everyone."

Amy asked how to peel an eye. We then had a discussion about dissection in science class. Once Amy was holding onto one end of a pig intestine and the guy on the other end let go and snapped it at her.

Liz: "We still have a little bit more pass (Berthoud Pass) to go. Keep looking for moose.

At last we got to the Moose Crossing sign which inspired all the moose watching.

Jeff said, "Pretty stream. No wonder the moose like it."

In Winter Park we saw a statue of a:

MOOSE.

Winter Park: At the gas station there were silly hats like the ones that Secretariat's trainer wore.

The tatoo shop was closed. "Darn," said Kara.

Back in the van, there was an eruption of applause when I successfully put a cd into the cd player. (I am technologically challenged, to say the least.)

Jeff said, "Look, moose. Nah, they're horses."

We did not find any moose jerky during our travels either.

As we approached a flagman directing us to stop and wait, Relient K was on the cd singing, "I struggle with forward motion."

Noon: Liz was trying to create a pressurized chamber within her nose to suffocate unwanted particles. We've been on the road too long.

Rabbit Ears Pass: Still driving. We were trying to figure out what to do with Liz's wad of gum. In the end it went out the window. We decided that a moose was going to choke to death on it, and then the police would investigate.

Finally we arrived at our destination, a beautiful campsite near Steamboat. There were lots of red, yellow, white, and purple wildflowers. The weather was perfect. We ate lunch.

Then we hiked through a meadow with more beautiful wildflowers.

Liz, Jeff and Amy went to do shooting practice. While they were gone, the mosquitoes showed up, so Jana and I started a fire to keep them away.

There was a discussion about snipe hunting and a quote from Up: "Kevin's a girl?"

There was picture-taking and video-making. There was a trivia question: Is Isengard on the north, south, east, or west of Middle Earth?

We ate hamburgers and hot dogs cooked on the fire. Liz showed us her impersonation of the mouth of Sauron. Then she told me there was an exciting training program in which Jana (age 10) would learn to be a gladiator.

We made s'mores. We remembered when my sister Marilyn decided she wanted to pass when playing BS. Marilyn isn't good at lying.

Liz attempted to spit on the fire, but her trajectory was way lacking. Eventually she succeeded in hitting the target, which produced a nice sizzling sound.

Amy told us about when she was young and she learned that socks don't come in left and right.

The moon was very bright.

After a good night's sleep, we awoke to a sunny morning. I got a good workout pumping water into our 5-gallon container.

After breakfast we loaded all our things into the van and headed to a hot springs pool. Then we had lunch at Wendy's and headed home.

Liz: "I've got a trivia question for you, Kelly."

"I forgot it."

Amy: "Is Isengard in the north, south, east, or west?"

Jeff was looking through a pile of stuff in the van and found Liz's eyelash curler.

Liz said, "Did you want to curl your eyelashes, Dad?"

We drove home, and as I was putting away the first aid kit, Jana asked, "Is there such a thing as second aid?"

THE END

Book Review Part 2

I want to share more from the book Adam; God's Beloved. This book is about a handicapped friend of Henri Nouwen's.

Nouwen writes, "Adam was sent to bring Good News to the world. It was his mission, as it was the mission of Jesus. Adam was--very simply, quietly, and uniquely--there! He was a person, who by his very life announced the marvelous mystery of our God: I am precious, beloved, whole, and born of God. Adam bore silent witness to this mystery, which has nothing to do with whether or not he could speak, walk, or express himself, whether or not he made money, had a job, was fashionable, famous, married or single. It had to do with his being. He was and is a beloved child of God. It is the same news that Jesus came to announce, and it is the news that all those who are poor keep proclaiming in and through their very weakness. Life is a gift. Each one of us is unique, known by name, and loved by the One who fashioned us."

I think that Adam's gift to the world was his helplessness and vulnerability. He helped others to see that in their weakness, vulnerability, and helplessness, they are loved by God and precious to Him. He showed people that they are beloved and valuable apart from their productivity. This is very powerful truth, and we all desperately need to get this, because it sets us free and gives our hearts rest.

As I was reading Psalm 145 today, I was struck by the indiscriminate love that God has for EVERYBODY: "The Lord is good to all, and His mercies are over all His works....The Lord sustains all who fall and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food in due time. The open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing."

Our wonderful God is kind and gracious to everyone, and we don't have to earn it!

Book Review

I am reading a book by Henri Nouwen titled Adam; God's Beloved. It's about a handicapped friend of Nouwen's named Adam. Adam had epilepsy, was in a wheelchair, and couldn't talk. Yet here's what Nouwen says about him: "He was becoming a friend and a trustworthy companion, explaining to me by his very presence what I should have known all along: that what I most desire in life--love, friendship, community, and a deep sense of belonging--I was finding with him. His very gentle being was communicating with me in our moments together, and he began to educate me about love in a profoundly deep way. I am convinced that somewhere deep down Adam "knew" that he was loved. He knew it in his very soul. Adam was not able to reflect on love, on the heart as the center of our being, the core of our humanity where we give and receive love. He could not talk with me about the movements of his heart or my heart or the heart of God. He could explain nothing to me in words. But his heart was there, totally alive, full of love which he could both give and receive."

So evidently words are not necessary for communicating love. Maybe sometimes not even desirable.

My Favorite Frog and Toad Story

When my girls were little, we used to read the Frog and Toad books by Arnold Lobel. My favorite was a story titled "Cookies". In this story, Frog and Toad make cookies and eat a lot of them. They decide that they shouldn't eat so many cookies, so they put them in hard-to-get-to places, but then they end up eating more cookies anyway. In the end, Frog feeds the cookies to the birds.

Toad says, "We don't have any cookies."

Frog says, "No, but we have lots of willpower."

Toad says, "You may have it all, Frog. I'm going home to make a cake."

This story makes me laugh! I also like the message: willpower doesn't get us very far. The only powerful thing about our will is that we can use it to choose dependence on Jesus. Then we're plugged in to the Power!

Beauty

Guys, this may give you a glimpse inside the female mind, but this post is really for the ladies.

I've been thinking a lot about this verse:

"...the King will desire your beauty;

Because He is your Lord, bow down to Him." -Psalm 45:11

I find within my heart a great desire to be highly esteemed, to be valued because of the beauty in my heart. I think that's what this verse is saying. The Lord has surely given us inner beauty, because His Spirit is in us. The outer beauty fades over time, then eventually gets an extreme makeover. The Lord desires the beauty He has put within you and me; it is precious to Him. This means a lot to me.

Grace

Sometime in the past I began to believe that I had to do everything perfectly, in other words, I was never going to be good enough to please myself or others. Not a happy frame of mind. First John 1:2 says that when a Christian sins, Jesus is for them, not against them. Romans 16:10 says that we are approved because we belong to Christ. Ephesians speaks of "His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved." My mind understands grace, but my heart sometimes is crying out for acceptance from Abba, even though He already does accept me. I have thought of myself as a flawed human instead of a recipient of the gift of righteousness (Romans 5:17). At the heart level I still find myself on the treadmill, striving to earn approval. This is hard on me and others. Please pray with me that God will help my unbelief. I'm so thankful that He's happy to grant that request.

More about Abba and the Prodigal God

I really liked the last chapter in The Prodigal God, because it talked about salvation as "not only objective and legal but also subjective and experiential." He points out that the Bible calls us to "taste and see" that the Lord is good.

As I was thinking about the parable of the prodigal, I did get a taste of God's goodness. In Luke 15:31, the father in the parable is speaking to his older son and he says, "Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours." It deeply impressed me that God is my father; He is totally involved in every moment of my life, and He has given me everything He has. Capital E. Everything. This gives me a sense of belonging to Him and being forever and always embraced by His love and care. It brings Him close instead of far away. :)

The Prodigal God

My daughter's church has been reading The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller, so I decided to read it too, and God has been speaking to me through it. But before I get to that, maybe I should explain the title. The word prodigal means wasteful and extravagant. We think of the prodigal son wasting money, but God is also wasteful, with His love, because He loves people who haven't earned it and don't appreciate it.

This book talks a lot about the older brother in the parable of the prodigal (in Luke 15), and I find that I have been way too much like him. Keller points out that people who think like the elder brother see themselves as superior to others and are subconsciously insecure. I spent my whole childhood trying to find a way to be better than my sister Marilyn because I was jealous of her. I see now that my insecurity was from trying to make myself good. That is doomed to fail, and deep down I knew I could only get so far with this. The truth is that only God can make anyone good.

Keller also says that the elder brother was good for selfish reasons: he wanted to earn a reward; he wanted his father to owe him so that he could control his father. He wasn't motivated by love. I have done a lot of good for the sake of justifying my own existence, trying to earn a sense of worthiness, and trying to feel good about myself. This has born ugly fruit; I'm afraid I probably have passed this on to my children.

Keller says, "The last sign of the elder-brother spirit is a lack of assurance of the father's love. The older son says, 'You never threw me a party.' " Oh yes I have been there. It comes as a surprise to me that God considers me special, and that He's always thinking of me. Does He really want to bless me/us? Is Ephesians 1:3 really true? It says, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ."

Wow.

Transformation

Yesterday my friend Marie and I watched session one of Theophostic prayer ministry training. To briefly explain Theophostic, it's mostly about helping people encounter Jesus and be transformed. While watching this dvd, I definitely had an aha moment, and I want to share that. The teacher, Ed Smith, said that to be transformed means to become something completely different, which left me thinking: there's no way I can make that happen! It has to be a work of God. My best option is to cooperate with what He's doing. This thought left me with a fear of doing anything without looking to the Lord first. It now makes sense that Jesus gives our souls rest, because He does all the work. We just let the river flow. Making choices and believing truth, Mr. Smith said. That's our job. I keep picturing myself as an 18-month-old looking up at God my Father. What I see on that child's face is helplessness, unguardedness, cluelessness, dependence, and a desire for love. God looks like the father of the prodigal, very loving, very much cherishing His child, continually tuned in to the little one whom He considers very important and special. :)

Jesus Cares about Our Desires

"Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, 'Do you want to be made well?'" John 5:5-6

John Eldredge, in his book The Journey of Desire, commented on this scripture: "Jesus took him back into the secret of his own heart. By asking him what he wanted, Jesus took the man back into his desire. Why? It is where we must go if we are to meet God...Christianity is not an invitation to become a moral person. It is not a program for getting us in line or for reforming society. It has a powerful effect upon our lives, but when transformation comes, it is always the aftereffect of something else, something at the level of our hearts."

Does Jesus really care about what we want? We know that Jesus cares about everything that concerns us, but do our hearts really believe it? Mine has questioned it. Look at what the Bible says:

"Lord, lift up the light of Your countenance upon us. You have put gladness in my heart." Psalm 4:6-7

"How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, and You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures." Psalm 36:7-8

I know that because Jesus lives in me, He has put good desires into my heart. When I desire something that's bad, it seems there's always lack of faith underneath it. If I want to be honored by others instead of seeking to glorify God, it's because I fear that I'm worthless without the applause. Well, how can this be true? No one is worthless if God lives in them. If I prefer to avoid rejection rather than taking the risks involved in loving others, it's because I can't bear the thought of the emotional pain. Do I not believe that the Lord will be there for me when life gets painful? Often I don't, and consequently the dysfunctional desire overrides the godly desire to love.

What about other good desires? Like the man in John 5 who had the infirmity, I want Jesus to heal me; I want spiritual healing. Jesus recognized that as a legitimate desire. The Bible says He's already done that (1 Peter 2:24), but we need God's Spirit to help us see what we've already been given, and to believe it.

A big desire for me is rest. I think it'd be nice if I didn't always feel like stuff was "hanging over my head". Can you relate? Again, it has to be OK with Jesus if we want this, because He promises to give it (Matthew 11:28-30). I strongly suspect that I'm carrying my own yoke instead of Jesus' easy yoke, and that's why there's no rest. I was not created to run my own life. No wonder I get exhausted when I attempt that. Why do I attempt that? I don't believe that Jesus will shepherd me.

Thus are the struggles of Sandra. The cool thing is, the fear and the unbelief are fixable. We don't have to live with our spiritual infirmities. Jesus heals them. Thank You Jesus!

Suffering

It seems that the people who know Jesus best are the ones who suffer (2 Corinthians 12:7). This is a troubling thought. It's a good thing the Lord is gentle and compassionate and kind.

Witnesses

God calls us to be His witnesses. A witness is someone who sees something and tells about it. So I'm thinking that being the Lord's witness is about having an encounter with Him and sharing that with others. Not just regurgitating what we've read in the Bible or heard in church; our witness should flow out of our relationship with Jesus. As we get to know Him and see Him at work in our lives, it's then easy to say to others that God is real, and to explain why we believe He's real. And we don't have to be eloquent preachers. All we have to do is explain what God has done. It's His story.

This becomes very exciting when we look at what Scripture says. It says we are witnesses to His glory. I love 2 Corinthians 4:6: "For it is God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." We get to see God's glory! If only "as in a mirror" (2 Corinthians 3:18), still this is awesome. Jesus said, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God" (Matthew 5:8). And when we believed in Him, He gave us pure hearts (Is. 1:18), so we're qualified for this astounding privilege.

Proverbs 2:3-5 says, "Yes, if you cry out for discernment, and lift up your voice for understanding; if you seek her as silver, and search for her as for hidden treasures; then you will understand the fear of the Lord, and find the KNOWLEDGE OF GOD." Hallelujah. That's what I want.

It makes me think of Third Day's song, "Show Me Your Glory":

I caught a glimpse of Your splendor

In the corner of my eye

The most beautiful thing I've ever seen

And it was like a flash of lightning

Reflected off the sky

And I know I'll never be the same.

Show me Your glory

Send down Your presence

I want to see Your face

Show me Your glory

Majesty shines about You

I can't go on without You Lord.

Lord, open the eyes of our hearts that we may see You.

Winter Ends, But It's Still Christmas

My Help Comes from the Lord

Because I didn't want to get rained on while filling the gas tank of our van, I put off the trip to the gas pump. So on Thursday when Liz and Kelly were en route to youth group, I received a call from Liz. She told me that the gas gauge was on E. I could tell she was quite worried about whether she'd reach her destination or not. My thought was to bring her some gas, but I had no vehicle. Jeff was ten minutes away from home. I told her she needed to talk to him because I couldn't help her. She was too stressed to wait, and her stress freaked me out a bit, because my advice wasn't making her happy. Two panicked females do not make a pretty situation.

It would've helped if I hadn't forgotten that Jesus exists. I had defaulted into Problem-Solving Sandra, the one who functions independently of God. My friends, this does not work. If I want to fix things, I need to look to the One who makes my paths straight (Proverbs 3:6). In our low fuel situation, He could have guided me in calming my daughter's fears, which was the real need. (It turned out that the gas tank got filled before any worst-case scenarios occurred).

It is very difficult for me to remember Jesus when I feel that quick decision-making is required. But He's able and willing to help with that.

So that is my latest story in my journey to learnn to abide in Christ. God bless you all on your journeys.

Sandra

Mortality Swallowed up by Life

Call me crazy, but I have a fascination with death. Not a morbid fascination though. I just have a ton of curiosity to know what it'd be like to see Jesus and to not ever have to live with sin. I've been reading a book called Life After Life, written by a doctor who has interviewed a lot of people who had life after death experiences. It's encouraging that these people report feeling very peaceful, relaxed, and untroubled by fear.

One man said that he had noticed that his mind was thinking more clearly than it did in everyday life. In his words, "My mind just took everything down and worked everything out for me the first time, without having to go through it more than once. After awhile everything I was experiencing got to where it meant something to me in some way." To me this sounds like the way life is supposed to be, even in this earthly life. Jeremiah 29:11 says that God has good plans for us. He's not just letting us walk through the day for no reason. Sometimes my life seems so mundane and insignificant. Maybe that's a lie. Perhaps every minute is important. Surely the hand of God is at work every minute. It's pretty exciting to think about life that way.

Flying :)

Happy Easter everyone! Jesus is alive!

Here's an update on my life:

Yesterday Kelly and I had a breakfast date at IHop. On the way home, I asked her what she wants to do for our next date. She said, "Fly." Kelly can always be counted on to pick something out of the blue, pardon the pun.

Seriously, though: the Lord keeps telling me to analyze less and listen to Him more, to let Him be the teacher, to seek His face (Psalm 27:8). It seems kind of like inertia, but maybe I'm just addicted to activity. God calls it waiting on Him. I need to sit still and listen with my spiritual ears to what He has to say to me. I recently read in Acts 28 where Paul was quoting Isaiah who said that if people hear with their ears and understand with their hearts and return to Him, He'll heal them. I'm excited about this because the more the Lord heals my heart, the more I can be a witness of the great things He has done!

May Jesus show all of us more and more of the great things He's doing.

Emotions

In my younger days I used to stuff my emotions for the purpose of avoiding ridicule and rejection; as an adult I spent a lot of years stuffing my emotions (especially fear) because I didn't want them to get in the way of doing things for God. I got to where I didn't feel much of anything, which has a coldness and deadness to it. It led me away from God's will because I expected others to also march through life like robots, like I was. One of my daughters has told me that I'm not empathetic, and she's right--I'm kind of clueless when it comes to empathy. But God is helping me with that. When I look into my heart and see what's going on in there, I can take the pain and fear to Jesus who heals broken hearts (Psalm 147:3). Then not only am I able to help others find healing from Jesus, but I also become more compassionate toward their emotions because I've seen how the Lord is compassionate toward mine.

Stuffing doesn't heal; Jehovah Rophe (which means Healer) does.

Praying Hyde

I read a book titled They Found the Secret, which contains the testimonies of 20 people whose lives were changed by God. The person whose life inspired me the most was John Hyde, a missionary to India in the early 20th century. While on his way to India, he prayed that he might be filled with the Holy Spirit and know by actual experience what Jesus meant when He said: "Ye shall receive power, when the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be my witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth." And God answered this prayer. He became known as "Praying Hyde". One time he prayed for evangelist Dr. J. Wilbur Chapman. Chapman said, "I knew I was with God."

So..... I also have been asking God that I and other Christians I know would experience the power of the Spirit.

The Andersons Have Some Fun

In my journal I found my account of the Anderson family camping trip of summer '08. Here it is:

We were out of the house before 8:30 a.m., which is not bad considering that by that time Jeff had already fixed a leak in the shower, rescued a halfling rabbit from the softball net in the backyard, and stuffed an incredible pile of our belongings into the van. Then, down the road we went.

There was a contest for the best sunglasses. Jeff said I was the most beautiful girl and Liz's hat was cute, but he didn't vote on the sunglasses. Liz was sure that her shades with palm trees on the lenses should have won.

Liz informed us that Amy shampoos her arm hair to make it silky. Amy also said she mousses it unless it's very stubborn, in which case she uses gel.

We saw sky divers near Colorado Springs. Jeff said his favorite extreme sport that he hasn't already done is sky diving. Or gliding, or flying in an ultralight. Ultralights have lawn mower engines.

Liz informed us that in Nevada it's legal to take home roadkill for dinner. But not for breakfast, jk.

Liz said I showed only one tooth when I smiled. Neither of us know how I did that.

We were laughing about the fact that my dad calls chickens "livestock."

We arrived at the Sand Dunes at noon, pitched the tents, and ate a fine lunch at our campsite. A deer walked right by us. The weather was perfect. We played 20 questions and learned that the rock 'n roll hall of fame is in Cleveland. Liz said Elvis is dead, but we all know he's alive.

Kelly grabbed the pen and wrote: Liz burped.

Jeff said driving around in circles is more fun than going somewhere (as we were going around and around the camping area.)

We went to the sand dunes and it was very beautiful and very warm. God makes beauty out of a pile of sand--amazing! Jana got the wettest and dirtiest and had a ton of fun.

Amy and I walked upstream for awhile to explore.

We were out in the hottest part of the day. When the air is 80 degrees, the sand is 140 degrees.

5 p.m. at the campsite. Kara climbed a tree, and Liz and Amy played cards.

6:10 p.m. Jeff said that the boy at the adjacent campsite reported seeing a boy bear. Jeff thought it might be dangerous to get close enough to a bear to determine its gender.

Kara made the mud into a shape that looked like a Mexican hat. Then she took a wood chip and put a "disco ball" on top of it (a tiny pinecone).

Amy and I were sitting around doing nothing, like the Culhanes. Liz asked who the Culhanes were, and I said they're like the pirates who don't do anything. I asked her if she wanted me to sing the song, and she got quiet, then said "Amen." She said she'd been praying that I wouldn't sing that song. By that time I had the giggles, and Liz said that if she said "cheesesticks", I would laugh. I laughed. Kelly said "cheesesticks" and I didn't laugh because it wasn't original enough. So she said "cheese slices," and I laughed. Kara said, "Hi," and Jana said, "Quack." I laughed.

We had dinner--the potatoes baked in the fire were yummy!

Later in the evening, we toasted marshmallows, looked at constellations, and went to bed.

We had pancakes for breakfast. The paper towels caught on fire, so we put out the fire. Then Jeff put the paper towels next to the fire so they could burn some more.

We hiked up to Zapata Falls, a very pretty place.

On the way home we stopped at a place that had alligators, snakes, turtles, and a scorpion. And a big bunny and ducks with ducklings.

As we continued the drive home, we saw Kelly Automotive. Also, Kelly told me to buckle my seatbelt so I won't die in a crash. She's so thoughtful.

I asked Jeff if he had any comments. He said, "I have no comments at this time. I know nothing about the problems that are alleged to have occurred."

It was a wonderful campout, the best (meaning warmest) weather I've ever experienced in Colorado. It was also the first time I really prayed for God's guidance and blessing for a recreational outing. I should do that more often.

By the way, my family is a lot of fun to be with when we're relaxed and just enjoying one another's company, without the stress and busyness of everyday life. I think it was wise of God to tell us to rest one day a week. It's good for the soul.

The Alabaster Jar

Over the weekend I went to a women's conference, and I think I heard from God, so I want to share that. The teaching was from Luke 7. A woman who was a "sinner" went to Jesus and began weeping and washing His feet with her tears and wiping them with her hair, and kissing them. She also poured fragrant oil from an alabaster flask onto His feet. Cindy, our speaker, pointed out that this oil was expensive, and this woman was pouring onto Jesus' feet her most precious possession. Normally this oil would be given to her future husband as a dowry. So she was really giving Jesus her hopes, dreams, and future.

As I was thinking about what is precious to me that I should give to the Lord, one thing that came to mind was my desire to be esteemed and liked by others. When I worry about what people think of me, I'm putting them on a pedestal, and Jesus is the only one who belongs there. When I visualize Jesus on the pedestal, I can see on His face that He's so pleased with me and happy to be with me. The Bible says this in Zephaniah 3:17 and Psalm 149:4. When I see Jesus' love and acceptance, I forget to worry about what others think. It reminds me of some verses that mean a lot to me: Romans 8:33-34, "Who shall bring a charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies, Who is he who condemns?" The next verses go on to say that Jesus is at God's right hand interceding for us, and that nothing can separate us from His love. Throughout my life I have not liked people very much because of fear of rejection. But this understanding of truth helps me to not fear.

May God's truth set us all free from fear.

Love and Mercy

"He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy." Proverbs 28:13

The other day I cooked dinner for the whole family, but two of them didn't let me know they weren't going to be home at dinner time. It disappointed me enough to where I was cranky just about the whole evening. I later repented, forgave them, and apologized to um, almost everybody. (Oops I forgot to apologize to Jeff. Maybe I should do that.) But I still felt bad. I always get displeased with myself when I sin. I get this uncomfortable feeling, and at the root of it is guilt and fear. I fear that others will not like me, including the Lord. On this day I was thinking that Jesus was concerned about my unhappiness; He's never displeased with me, and He likes me. I think He wanted me to believe that. He wanted me to believe that I didn't need to run from Him in fear, but I could actually run into His arms for comfort, which I definitely needed. This blows my mind. Thank You, loving Lord Jesus.

A blessed daughter of God,

Sandra

Bondslaves

"Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves of God." 1 Peter 2:16
What's a bondslave? a voluntary slave.
God doesn't enslave us; He insists that we choose to be His slaves. What would motivate us to do that?
I love Hosea 11:4, which says, "I [God] drew them with gentle cords, with bands of love." Cords and bands are things that tie us up, or bind us. Sounds like slavery, but this is not forced slavery. God draws us into it, gently. How? With His love. I believe that God's love is so powerful that the more we know it, the more we wouldn't dream of going where He's not leading, because His love is pulling us so strongly toward Him who is Love. His love is stonger than gravity, as Michael Tait sings.
Here's my prayer: Jesus, please help us know your powerful love more and more! Or, in the words of another song (don't know who sings this): lock me away inside your love; throw away the key.
God bless you,
Sandra

Scrapbook Pages: Family Tree

My Story Continued

I left out something very important: the stuff that God has taught me hasn't all been in my times alone with Him. Quite a lot of it has been with the help of some mature Christians that the Lord sent into my life. They especially helped me to see my identity in Christ. During my counselor training class at Exchanged Life Ministries, Bret, my mentor, led me in theophostic prayer, and that was very powerful. Here's what I think is awesome about theophostic: Jesus is invited to minister to needs and pain. He shows up, and when He does, two things happen to me: I experience His love and it's wonderful; and, lies are replaced with truth. Now, if I start to think that I have to be perfect to be a good person, or if I think I'm worthless or unloved or unimportant, I can see that these are lies. Jesus' love and truth set us free from lies.

The Story of My Life

CHILDHOOD
I grew up in Iowa in a large family. I always knew that my parents loved me. They had good moral standards and we went to church. God was respected in our family but not a big part of our lives.
Dad was an awesome provider and protector, but he could also be critical, negative, and impatient. Unfortunately, I picked up these negative characteristics. I also kept some significant distance between Dad and me, and I now realize that this left me with major unmet needs, and probably also an incorrect view of my heavenly Father. I've recently been learning that God isn't negative and critical; He's actually a wonderful comforter that I can go to when I get discouraged. Psalm 147:3 says that He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds and sorrows.
In my family, when I was young, no one talked about their weaknesses, struggles or feelings. So I never talked about these things, which didn't work too well for me because I had lots of struggles, weaknesses, insecurities and feelings. I feared that if I shared this stuff, I'd be the object of ridicule, so I kept it to myself. I felt generally uncomfortable with all of humanity except my immediate family. I was extremely shy and quiet. It would've been nice if I could have talked it all over with God, but God was a stranger to me; a scary stranger. This was before I came to Jesus. I didn't realize that I didn't need to be afraid, because Jesus loves sinners (Romans 5:8), and His tender mercies are over all (Psalm 145:9). Ephesians 1:4 says that God chose me in Christ before He created the world, which means that the Lord was with me in all of my childhood sadness, and He was already seeing me as His beloved child even before I came to know Him.
I told myself a lie, which I believed: that I was a social failure. In reality, the most significant problem in my social life was that I believed this lie. To a 5-year-old girl, being a social failure is the end of the world. I couldn't find the courage to interact with my peers, so I spent six and a half years being very lonely (after which God sent me some wonderful friends). During the lonely years, I felt very insignificant and worthless. I didn't know that the God who names all the stars and watches over every sparrow had His loving eyes on me. I thought that God didn't care about ordinary, boring people like the person I thought I was. But God did care about me. First Corinthians 1:27-28 says that God chooses weak, foolish and despised people. He doesn't love us because we have anything special going for us; He just loves us.
After awhile I shut down my heart so I didn't feel pain. I didn't trust others with my heart. I focused on being a good girl and getting good grades, and that's what my [pretty low] self-esteem was built on. I gave up on hoping for a social life. I wanted to be popular, but I knew that I was too shy for that. I saw this social inadequacy as a huge negative; I hated being shy.

MIDDLE/HIGH SCHOOL
In seventh grade I started hanging out with some girls who became really good friends. We were typically immature middle schoolers: we passed notes in class and made fun of teachers and peers. I was a happier person, but not a nice person. I'm not proud of that part of my history. I remember that once during high school, a guy that I liked told me that I had a "biting wit." Evidently my critical attitude came out in my humor. I thought this was normal. I thought everyone was like that. I didn't understand grace and unconditional acceptance because I didn't know the God who is the source of these. I evaluated everyone as either better than me, not as good as me, or equal with me, based on my own standards. I evaluated myself the same way. No wonder I didn't trust anyone with my heart. That legalistic thinking is harsh.
During middle school, I went to confirmation class, where I learned for the first time that Jesus' death was the reason we can be forgiven and go to heaven. I believe that the Lord opened my mind to understand this; this was one my first significant connections with spiritual truth. I remember praying every night that I would do God's will. After awhile I got tired of always praying the same thing, so I stopped.
During my high school years, I wanted a boyfriend, but it just didn't work out that I ever dated a guy I really liked. I spent a lot of time wishing that a guy would consider me special and that I'd be important to him. In retrospect, I think I was searching for God. My favorite Bible verse is Psalm 139:1, which says, "O Lord, You have searched me and known me." This verse says to me that God loves me and considers me important enough for Him to give me His constant attention. (See also Song of Solomon 4:9, 7:10.) Ladies, no mere mortal can give you that much loving attention.

COLLEGE
As soon as I began my freshman year at Iowa State, God began to pursue me, and it was obvious. The fact that I was not searching for Him did not deter Him. I met a lot of Christians, and they talked about the gospel. I believed in Jesus, but I was giving Him a maximum of one hour a week (and I wasn't enjoying that hour). I began to be afraid of going to hell. But I didn't know that the Lord really loved me. And I was worried that He would want me to preach to people, and I'd be labeled a Jesus freak and would lose friends. One day when I was walking to class, Matthew 28:20 came into my head. It was a verse I'd seen on a Rally Day button at my Lutheran church back home. In that verse Jesus said, "I am with you always, even to the end of the age." The Lord used this verse to show me that He wanted to be with me every minute of my very ordinary life. That said love to me, and I decided that I could give my heart to Him, which I believe kicked off a jubilation party in heaven!
I started going to church, and I was happy to find people there who were actually trying to live according to what the Bible says. That was what I wanted to do too. I began to tell others about Jesus because I realized that they had a desperate need to escape hell. I also felt that it was up to us humans to spread the gospel, and I wasn't really trusting God to see to it that this mission was accomplished. That was stressful.

MARRIAGE!
Fast forward ten years. I married my best friend Jeff. He is a huge blessing to me, and to this day I truly enjoy having him in my life.

SELF SUFFICIENCY IS AN OXYMORON
Fast forward about thirteen more years: shortly before our fifth child was born, I decided [belatedly] that I needed to be a kinder and more loving mom. I prayed and I tried and I tried and I prayed. I don't think I changed much, but I did get frustrated and discouraged, and although I knew that I was a new creature in Christ, I didn't really believe that in my heart. I disliked myself a lot. Eventually it became clear that my failings as a mom were significant and high impact. I now see that God was bringing me to the end of myself so I could learn that the Christian life cannot be lived by self-effort. My self-effort bore ugly fruit such as Pharisee-like self-righteousness and legalism, and Martha-like prioritizing of projects [good godly projects] over people (Luke 10:38-42). And guilt-ridden, anxiety-ridden perfectionism. Here's what God taught me: He is the only source of spiritual life, and He's the only One who can make the river of living water flow through us so we can love with true and unselfish love. We have to look to the Lord for everything, and He even gives the grace to do that.

SELF IMAGE
Another result of my various failures throughout my life was that I didn't like myself very much. God and some wise people helped me sort out the lies from the truth about my identity, and the identity of every Christian. Jesus shed His precious blood to save us--that's how much God values us. If God says we're valuable and precious, then WE ARE. ALL of us. Romans 6:6 says that the Christian's sinful self is dead. Romans 5:17 says that we have received righteousness as a gift. In Christ we are righteous (2 Corinthians 5:21). Hebrews 8:10 says that God writes His laws in our minds and hearts. Second Corinthians 5:17 says we're new creatures in Christ.
We're not sinners.
We're not selfish.
We're in Christ and He's in us.
WE ARE GOOD.
If we get down on ourselves, we are not believing what God says about us, and that's wrong.

SPIRITUAL WARFARE
See my blog posts from January 24, 2010, July 16, 2010, and September 26, 2010 (the part titled "A Surprise". We overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us!

LATEST UPDATE ON WHAT I'M LEARNING
God has been teaching me more about my identity in Christ. We Christians are in a covenant relationship with God, which means that He has made us one with Him. Malcolm Smith, in his book, The Power of the Blood Covenant, says, "The miracle of the new birth, by which we pass from the death of sin into the eternal life of the new covenant, is to be understood as our being actually joined to Christ."
First Corinthians 6:17 says, "the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him." Way cool! I don't fully understand that, but I love it! I find myself worrying less about whether I can be good and loving, because I just go where God's Spirit in me is taking me.

In closing, I will say that God has done a lot in my life, and I am so thankful for all of it. I pray that this gives you hope that you'll see Him do a lot in your life too.
Blessings,
Sandra

What is life about?

President's Day was hard for me. I gave my homeschooled children the day off, so when I woke up that morning, there was an empty schedule in front of me. I couldn't deal with it. I am hugely motivated to be doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and on that day I didn't really know what I was supposed to be doing. I wasn't trusting God to lead me through my day, but larger than that, I was not seeing clearly what life is about. Why do I get hung up on doing stuff? It's not about that. It's about knowing God and walking with Him. I can do that on a holiday and my day isn't wasted. When Jesus told Martha that only one thing was necessary, and that Mary had chosen it, He wasn't kidding. Our relationship with Him is the only thing that's necessary. The greatest commandment is to love, and we canNOT love God or anyone else unless we're seeing God's love and receiving it; love for God and others flows naturally out of that. We love because He first loved us. We can't crank out the fruits of the Spirit by our efforts, because they come from God and have to flow out of our relationship with Him. I'm not just talking about knowing about God's love; I'm talking about experiencing it. I'm talking about taking our needy hearts to the One who is love and life. This is the way God always intended it to be. Satan tries to tell us that we have to make ourselves good. This will never happen, but it's easy for me to think that way; y'all, beware of that trap.
Our works won't change the world; our love will change the world. It starts with hanging out with Jesus 24/7. I know this probably sounds preachy, but I feel very strongly about this.

Scrapbook

My friend Marie has gotten me started on scrapbooking. This is page one of a scrapbook about my life.