The Power of Blessing Others

I want to share one more blessing that we received on party night at our house. Fourteen-year-old Vanessa was being dropped off by her dad, and Jeff and I were reassuring the dad that even though there were lots of college-age youths at our house, the party would be well supervised. Vanessa's dad said, "You've already passed the parent test," and he let us know that he wasn't worried about anything bad happening during the evening. That vote of confidence really made my day! You guys, if you ever notice anything positive about someone, tell them about it. This is so encouraging.

What God Taught Me Today

Before I tell you about my day, I want to wish everyone a blessed holiday season and new year. I made my new year's resolution early; here it is: listen to God. Already He has spoken to me and challenged me. Today's lesson took place in the kitchen. Jana was bored, so I asked her if she wanted to make a fruit salad. She said yes. I told her what fruit we had in the house. She wanted to put apples, grapefruit, and bananas in the salad. I didn't think that sounded like a good combination, and I told her so. My perfectionist tendencies were in high gear at this point, and all I could think about was making the perfect salad, that is, MY idea of the perfect salad. Jana didn't share my idea of the perfect salad, and when I pushed for my own way [which I, no kidding, believed to be the only right way], she interpreted it as anger aimed at her :( I called Jeff into the situation to help us. Jana explained that she thought I was angry at her, and I apologized. It troubles me that my perfectionism makes me blind to my self-centered thinking. I pray that God will set me free from this, and I believe that today was one step in that process. Jana opted out of the salad making, and Kara took over. She made fruit salad with bananas, apple, grapefruit, and an orange. It tasted quite good!

Christmas Party/Grace

My three oldest daughters had a party at our house Sunday. The friends that Amy and Liz invited were mostly people that I've known for awhile, and they're all sweet and fun to party with. Kelly invited friends from school, and I'm just getting to know those girls and their families. I've been to some of their homes and they have things like Wii and big-screen televisions, which we don't have. So I was nervous about h0w to entertain them. Kelly was not at all concerned, though. I was telling my dear friend Marie about these stresses, and she suggested that maybe I needed to let go of trying to be in control. She was right; I wasn't doing so well at trusting God for this party.
Party night came, and here's what happened: About 30 guests came. Kelly and her friends joined right in with the others. They played charades and some other games, and it seemed like everyone had a good time. God was very kind and really blessed the whole evening. I now see that there's only one thing necessary for a good party: friendly and loving people. I regret that I wasted my time worrying, but I'm thankful that the Lord is faithful when I am faithless. And because I saw Him be gracious to me, it'll be easier for me to trust Him next time I'm tested.

GRACE
Lately I've really been struck by Romans 8:32: "He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all--how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?" This isn't a new thought, but wow, what a huge sacrifice. It shows the enormity of God's desire to rescue us from death and destruction, and also to have us as His own. It makes me realize that He is obviously very willing to meet every need of ours, since He already went to the greatest length possible to meet our need.
I pray that God will touch your hearts with His love this Christmas season.

God's Love/ Sacred Romance

God's Love
John 4:34 Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work." Malcolm Smith said, God's love feeds us as we give it away. We understand and receive God's love, we are blessed, we give the same love to others---all at the same time. This only happens if we believe that God's Spirit of love is in us. When God enables us to love those who are hard to love, that's when we learn the depth of God's love. It makes me think of when Corrie ten Boom forgave a man who had been a guard at the concentration camp where she had been a prisoner, where her sister had died. It was very hard for her, but she prayed that the Lord would help her, and she thrust her hand out to his hand stretched out to her. And she was filled with the love of God.
When we look at it this way, loving others becomes not an exhausting, draining thing, but a way to experience God's life and love.

The Sacred Romance
This is a great book by John Eldredge and Brent Curtis. I am reading it for the second time. Here is a quote: "God created us for intimacy with Him....What He is after is us--our laughter, our tears, our dreams, our fears, our heart of hearts....How few of us truly believe this. We've never been wanted for our heart, our truest self, not really, not for long. The thought that God wants our heart seems too good to be true."
"Listen to the names He has given us: 'No longer will they call you Deserted...They will be called the Holy People, the Redeemed of the Lord; and you will be called Sought After' (Isaiah 62:4, 12)."
Thank You Lord.

Sesame Chicken

I was trying a new recipe, sesame chicken, and there were some challenges. I burned the teriyaki sauce. I was hurrying to get supper ready in time for Liz to eat before she went to youth group. My mental and emotional state weren't the best. It was a flesh moment, meaning I was trying to make things work and forgetting about Jesus.
Jeff started sharpening my French knife--he likes to be helpful like that. Instead of appreciating this, I said, "I was hoping to use that knife." I wanted him out of my way, because it's easier for my stressed-out mind to think when I am alone. He handed me the knife and left the kitchen.
Later as I was trying to figure out why I get harsh and unappreciative toward my husband, I discovered anger in my heart, but it wasn't anger at Jeff. I was angry that my cooking project might be unsuccessful. I struggle quite a bit with perfectionism. My anger was fueled by fear: fear of failure, fear caused by a lie. The lie is that if I don't do everything right, I'm a bad person.
The truth that sets me free from this lie is that God doesn't look at my performance to decide whether I'm good. He only looks at the fact that I have trusted in Jesus as my Savior and Life, and He has put his Holy Spirit in me. So even if Liz went to youth group hungry (which she didn't), I'm still a good person because Christ lives in me (see Galatians 2:20). I thanked the Lord for this truth, and asked Him to keep me believing it even when I am tested.
My perfectionism takes my emotions to a place that is miserable. I don't like being angry. I don't like feeling unforgiving and unforgiven. I don't like to wreck relationships. I feel so sad when I'm not seeing God's unconditional love, and I'm not giving that kind of love to others either. I so need to be accepted with all my issues, but I fear that I won't be accepted. This is what God showed me: perfect love casts out fear. I closed my eyes and pictured myself on His lap with His arms around me. It was very comforting. The Lord was happy to have me there, as long as I wanted to stay. He wants us to be like little children in His arms, basking in His love (Mark 10:14-16).
May God bless you with His love.

:)

OK, I'm not as gifted at brevity as I thought.
I wanted to share this quote on facebook, but it was too long. This is from Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship by Jack Frost. Here it is:

"The Great Commandment to love God and love others is a call to intimacy; the Great Commission to go and make disciples is a call to fruitfulness. Intimacy is to precede fruitfulness. The Great Commandment must precede the Great Commission and is an inseparable part of it. When intimacy does not precede fruitfulness, we easily become subject to our own mission and become focused upon religious duty, hyper-religious activity, and aggressive striving that leaves an angry edge in our life and relationships."
Yeah, I've been there. And I'm still in the process of growing out of being duty-driven and into being drawn and motivated by the love of Jesus (receiving it and letting it flow through me to others). I pray that we all keep growing in that direction.

Facebook

I have decided that I have the gift of brevity, and I'm going to share more of my thoughts on facebook and less on this blog. I have 102 facebook friends, including three of my daughters (who don't read my blog), and I love the feedback.
But I do have one thought to blog today. This one's for you, Leslie.
Jesus said that life is about knowing God (John 17:3), and because God is infinite, there isn't going to ever be any boredom for us, is there?
I could say God bless you, but I'm going to say,
WE ARE BLESSED

The DMV/Easter/Mom

The DMV
The Friday before last I went to the DMV to get the permanent registration for our van, since the temp tag had expired two days prior. The lady at the counter said I couldn't get the registration because Jeff's name was on the paperwork but mine wasn't. I was given a form that Jeff could sign in front of a notary, giving me the power of attorney to register our vehicle. I went home, called Jeff and explained all this. But instead of saying "power of attorney", I kept saying "power of eternity". I just couldn't get my mouth to say attorney. Jeff said it was a Freudian slip. I got a good laugh out of that one.

Easter
I know it's nowhere near Easter, but I recently read the gospel of Matthew which ends with the Easter story. When the two Marys saw Jesus alive, Jesus greeted them, and in the NKJ version it says that He said, "Rejoice!" I don't suppose he said it in a monotone. He had completed the rescue of His beloved (us), and now the two ladies at the tomb, as well as the rest of us, could be with Him forever, which was absolutely the number one desire of His heart. I like to try to picture the look of love and joy on His face. It'll be amazing when we really get to see His face! More than amazing, but words fail me. Come Lord Jesus!

Mom
I'm excited for Thanksgiving. Amy will be home from college, and we'll have some fun family time.
I am reminded of holidays during my childhood, and ordinary days too; there are so many happy memories to be thankful for. I was especially thinking about all the blessings Mom brought to our home. She worked hard to keep the house clean (the offspring saw to it that the house wasn't excessively clean). She was always blessing us with home-cooked food (usually from scratch), and she maintained the daily routine of meals, chores, school, playtime and sleep time. And bedtime stories, which I loved. It gave me security and contentment to know that I was not just going to be taken care of, but well taken care of by my loving mother. When there was a baby in the house --I clearly remember four of my younger siblings as babies--, those little ones were cared for with lots of motherly tenderness and gentleness.
God also gives lots of tlc: in Isaiah 66:12-13 it says, "thus says the Lord: 'Behold, I will extend peace to her [Jerusalem] like a river, and the glory of the Gentiles like a flowing stream. Then you shall feed, on her sides shall you be carried, and be dandled on her knees. As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you.'" Thank you, Lord Jesus, and Mom, for all of your lovingkindness. I truly have many blessings to count.

Conversation with Kelly

Kelly, age 14, said to me, "You had a boring childhood, Mom. You watched tv and went to (4H) dairy camp. Did you ever do anything else?"
I said, "I came home from dairy camp."
She said, "Did you ever build a bomb?"
She should have asked her dad. He made a pipe bomb in his younger days. In his words, "It made a big loud bang."

Forgiven

Today I was feeling bad because of problems I've caused in relationships--I've badly hurt people that I love. I thought I had forgiven myself, but today this was coming back to haunt me. I remembered that Jesus forgave the people who nailed him to the cross. That helped me understand the magnitude of His forgiveness. I remembered Colossians 2:13, which says that God forgives ALL our trespasses. I went for a walk, and the sun shone very brightly on the snow. And the hymn came to mind:

I hear the Savior say,
"Thy strength indeed is small!
Child of weakness, watch and pray
Find in Me thine all in all."
Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow.

I could picture Jesus looking at me and saying, "I forgive you." With those loving eyes! I wondered if He forgave me for doubting my forgiveness. Again He said to me, "I forgive you."
Another song lyric came into my mind, from the song, "Day by Day", by Point of Grace:

Day by day You're coming closer
Making our way clearer and straighter
Turning our faces into the light.

And that reminded me of Psalm 44:3 "For they did not gain possession of the land by their own sword, nor did their own arm save them; but it was Your right hand, Your arm, and the light of Your countenance, because You favored them." Because my struggle with believing I'm forgiven is more like a war than a one-time battle, it's good to know how to fight. Looking into the loving face of Jesus and seeing His love really helps me in the battle.

Safety, and LIfe

Even though I had a relatively happy childhood, the environment I grew up in did include a fairly large amount of belittling and ridiculing; mostly this was not aimed at me; nonetheless I did not emerge unaffected by it. Couple this with a natural propensity for shyness, and the result is that I have trouble finding anyone that I feel I can entrust my heart to, regardless of the fact that there are people who truly love me. I find myself longing for emotional safety. God encouraged me quite a bit with these verses:
Psalm 27:1, 5 "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?....in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavillion; in the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock."
It doesn't say that when I have trouble, God will ridicule and belittle me. It says He will keep me safe. I also like Colossians 3:3: "your life is hidden with Christ in God". That's a safe place for our hearts.
And while I'm in Colossians 3, I also have to mention the next verse, verse 4, which says, "Christ...is our life". He is our only source of life. And if we want life to flow out of us to help others, that has to come from Him too. So, keeping our focus on Him and depending on Him seems to be the most important thing. This too is difficult (probably impossible), but the Lord even takes care of that. I love the way Hudson Taylor explained it to his children: "Once I used to try to think very much and very often about Jesus, but I often forgot Him. Now I trust Jesus to keep my heart remembering Him, and He does so. This is the best way."
So, the Lord gives us love and security instead of fear, and He gives us life as a gift that we don't have to strive for. How wonderful is that!

Unconditional Love

Hebrews 3:12 says, "Beware, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God"
I was thinking about this verse because my heart was unbelieving. I was thinking that God doesn't approve of me unless I do something to earn His approval. And I was thinking that I had failed at that, and that God wasn't happy with me. Here's why: lately, I've been seeing a lot of my shortcomings as a mom. Mothering is the main job that God has given me right now, so if I'm failing, how can God be OK with me?
The Lord gave me some good news in Romans 4:5: "But to him who does not work, but believes on Him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is accounted for righteousness." Meaning that we don't have to earn God's approval; we just have to receive by faith His gift of love and forgiveness. And that faith is counted by God as righteousness. The same receiving of God's grace that brought us out of the kingdom of darkness initially is also the way to live the Christian life. This is such basic doctrine, yet somehow I really needed the reminder.
Then, guess what song came into my head? "We love to work at nothing all day"! I laughed, I cried (all at the same time). Bachman Turner Overdrive isn't meant to be taken seriously, but I think God was using some humor to tell me not to worry about doing or earning, but to receive His love and acceptance as a gift. God took a horrible burden off me and made me laugh too!

Fall Break

Monday of fall break was a really hard day for me. I got after my teenagers, probably about helping with the housecleaning, if I remember right. They didn't like my adversarial approach, and it went downhill from there, to the point where I was wishing for the week to be over. By the end of the day, I felt like a total failure as a mom, and was wondering how to get my girls to believe that I don't hate them. Sigh.
The next day I read the parable of the prodigal son because I needed to. The prodigal made up a speech: "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants." This is exactly how I felt.
Today I read that parable again. It occurred to me that I'm always going to feel unworthy if I think I have to make myself worthy. But, to quote Relient K, the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair. In other words, I don't make myself worthy; I just receive grace. I love the way the father interrupted the prodigal's speech to announce that it was time to party. His reasoning is very interesting: "...let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found." How does a person go from death to life, from lostness to foundness? Not by fixing oneself, but by going home to Father, the life giver. This makes me feel sooo blessed, to be loved like that!

Jack-o-lantern

Kara is making an angel jack-o-lantern complete with wings. It has a mouth shaped like an O, so it looks like a singing angel pumpkin. A bit different from your typical jack-o-lantern. To the pure all things are pure....

MERCY!

I was driving east on Jewell near E470, and I was in a hurry. A large, slow truck was in front of me and I was lamenting this. Maybe a minute later, I saw a police car at a stop sign about to pull onto Jewell Ave. behind me. Thank God for slow trucks that keep me from exceeding the speed limit. What a difference a minute makes.

Movie

We went to see Secretariat--my 12-year-old is a horse lover. And that horse was amazing! But his owner neglected her family to pursue horse racing against her husband's wishes. I had a big problem with that.
Writer, director, and producer Randall Wallace was interviewed by World magazine, and he said that he considered the ministry before he became a filmmaker. But he decided to inspire people through the stories that his movies tell. He quoted his father: "people will remember almost nothing of what you tell them and only slightly more of what you do. But they will remember for the rest of their lives how you made them feel."
I think there's truth in that. The apostle Paul said, "Love edifies." I'm thinking that this needs to be love that people can feel.

Bread of LIfe

"Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work." John 4:34. Malcolm Smith paraphrases this: "God's love feeds you as you give it away." I think this has something to do with experiencing God's love more and more, and then giving the same kind of love to others.

Mostly Silly Sentences by Kara

Here are some sentences that Kara made up for a language arts worksheet:
(The assignment was to turn sentence fragments into sentences.)
While it aims at honor and reputation, it trips.
Trying to be somebody is hard.
He that is proud sprouts a beard.
Rejecting the counsels of reason is unreasonable.
As the sun appears largest before it sets, so pride comes before a fall.
When we realize that our life is but a moment compared to eternity, we faint.

Misc.

There are no seeded watermelons anywhere, so we had an orange seed spitting contest.

Here's a good quote from C.S. Lewis:
"Until you have given up your self to Him [God] you will not have a real self."

Alone?

The other day I blogged about connecting with God. Well, today I had some trouble with that. I felt so alone, in the middle of my quiet time when I normally am connecting with God. Which begs the question, where was God, then? Christians know the answer to this question, but my heart was doubting that the Lord was with me, and I think this happens to me a lot. Until a few years ago, I hadn't really learned about connecting with people just for the sake of connecting. Apparently this is automatic for most women, but not for me. Anyhow, the result is that I've been disconnected a lot. Seems that I've expected that to happen with God too. But He doesn't ever go away, even for a second. When He says that He loves us with an everlasting love, He means it. On the day that I gave my life to Jesus, it was because of His promise, "I am with you always." That said love to me in a big way, perhaps because it met the greatest need of my heart.
I wish I didn't have doubts, but the upside of that is that when I have to ask Jesus yet again if He's still with me, I get blessed yet again by His affirmative answer :)

God's Humor

From Jana's science book: When the squirting cucumber is ripe, it drops from its stalk, leaving a hole in the end of the fruit. The seeds are shot out of this hole. Some seeds are shot as much as fifteen feet away from the plant.
It makes me want to go get a watermelon and have a seed spitting contest so God can enjoy it with us, because I get the impression that He gets a kick out of that kind of thing.

Abba's Heart

I went several days being busy and feeling like God wasn't very close, because I wasn't taking time for just connecting with Him. If that goes on too long, I get unhappy, so I took a little time and asked the Lord to show me His love. He did! In a short while too, since I had to get back to making dinner. He reminded me of the father of the prodigal son (in Luke 15); while the son was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.
The son was coming, but the father was RUNNING. That's the heart of Abba. He wants us. Wholeheartedly. Forever. That took care of my unhappiness! I love the way God meets the needs of my heart with His love, and I pray that His love will touch your hearts today.

A Surprise/End of the World/Significance

(Those are three different topics)

A Surprise

I was praying with a lady named Margo (I think that was her name) the other day. We were praying about bad attitudes I have had toward my father. Margo went over some Scripture that really spoke to me: Romans 8:33-34 "It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns?" Ephesians 2:4 "God...is rich in mercy" Matthew 11:28 "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." This ministered to me so much. Every Christian knows that God forgives us, but during that prayer time I was surprised to realize that I hadn't really been believing that. And what a heavy burden was lifted when I received God's abundant mercy and forgiveness!
My prayer request: please ask God to help me hang onto this truth. It's so hard on me (and those around me) if I don't. Thanks. I've got the above verses in a place where I see them every day, and I just love this reminder of God's great kindness.
Also, I just want to say that it's so wonderful to pray with someone and see God meet the needs of the heart.

End of the World

This is from the September issue of Scientific American which I happened to see at the library:

"Ultimate Doomsday"
"Time can end in a disquieting variety of ways, according to Einstein's general theory of relativity. For instance, when a black hole forms, the density of matter increases, which intensifies the force of gravity, which further increases the density, which further intensifies gravity, and so it goes until density and gravity both become infinite--a condition known as singularity. Matter ceases to be, and time runs out for that region of space. A similar fate could befall the entire universe." Hmmmmmm. This article was fascinating, and the whole issue is filled with scientists' thoughts about the end of the world.

Significance

I really want to be used by God in a big way to help people. And the type of ministry that I've been pursuing isn't a very good fit with my gifting, which was causing me a great deal of consternation, because there's always that huge desire for significance. Then God showed me John 17:22, when Jesus said to God: "I have given them the glory that You gave me". Looks like we're very significant even without a ministry.

God bless you,
Sandy

Outlive Your Life

This is the title of a very challenging study by Max Lucado. Our small group is going through this together. Here's one of the questions Max asked: How would you tell your story of why you need God? What has God done in you that changed your life from what it was before?
Here's my answer: Around y2k, which was also the year of my fifth pregnancy, I decided I needed to work on being a kinder and gentler mom. I tried, I prayed, I tried, and I tried some more. And six years later it became abundantly clear that I had some major character flaws that were making me a not-so-good parent, and I hadn't been able to become the mom my daughters needed me to be, in spite of my efforts. I now see that this was the beginning of a major learning curve. My failures were part of God's plan. With the help of the amazing people at Exchanged Lives Ministries, as well as some other dear Christians, I began to see that my frustration was necessary for me to give up on trying to change myself. I began to realize that I was created for a dependent relationship with God, abiding in Him as I walk through my day. The branch cannot live independently but must draw its life from the Vine. I used to grit my teeth and try to be kind when the kids were trying my patience. Now I turn to Jesus and let the kindness flow out of my heart where He lives. The battle of faith is to believe that this is true (I haven't forgotten my unloving moments in the past, even the recent past). It is true! Jesus lives in His people!
I was thinking about Matthew 11:28-30, when Jesus said, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Do-it-yourself Christianity isn't a light burden. It's a killer burden, not to mention impossible. But Jesus says, "Come to Me." That's all we do. We come to Him, and all the strength, all the love, everything comes from Him. That's the easy yoke. That takes all the pressure off us. Ahhhhhh, that's more like living!

A Poem and a Story

Jana (age 9) wrote a poem about playing checkers:

Checkers is very weird,
It makes me very bored,
I sleep through every game,
It makes me very bored,
I lose every game I play.

That's how I feel about checkers too. I'd rather clean the bathroom.

Here's something I really like: I love to read. And I love bookstores. Especially when I find a really good book for a really low price. That did happen to me recently, and the way it happened is pretty interesting. I was at the Family Christian store with Jeff and my daughter Elizabeth. There was a man down the aisle from me looking at books. After a few minutes he walked up to me as I was skimming through one of Joyce Meyers's books. He said, "Are you looking for a particular book?" Then he told me about a book outlet at Iliff and Chambers where old books from the libraries are sold at very low prices. He said, "You never know what you'll find." I said, "Thanks, I like books." I watched him as he left the store, thinking, this guy is either an angel or Santa Claus. In any case, I know he was sent by God because the news he gave me was a big blessing for this bookworm/lover of bargains. I told Jeff about this conversation, and his comment was, "Do you think he was an angel?" Jeff also knows of my love of books.
THEN....at my first opportunity I went to the book outlet. I bought five books and a booklet. The total at the register was $2.50. No kidding. Most of these books are on the nightstand waiting for me to find time to read them, but one of them I have started reading with my daughters: In My Father's House by Corrie ten Boom. We've had a whole lot of fun sipping tea and hot chocolate and reading this book together. We're only on chapter 4, but here is my favorite part so far: Corrie told of a day when, as a young child, she inadvertently broke a rule at school and was slapped in the face by the headmaster. She said that when she got home that day, crying, "Mama took me on her lap and comforted me; and when I had quieted, Papa held me in his arms as he did when I was a baby. I can still feel the sensation of safety as I put my head upon his shoulder. What a security to have a refuge when life is really hard!"
"Forty-five years passed.....The gestapo had arrested me, and I was being asked the location of the secret room in which I had hidden four Jews and two underground workers. I realized that if I told, it would mean prison and possibly death for the six people who were there, so I didn't tell. The interrogator slapped me on the face, and at the same moment I recalled the backyard of the school, the angry headmaster, and Mother and Father's comforting help."
"'Lord Jesus, cover me!' I cried."
"'If you mention that name, I'll murder you!'" shouted the man. But his hand stopped in midair and he couldn't beat me any longer."
"What a security to have a refuge when life is really hard!"
Amen.

We Need Each Other

A couple of Sundays ago, Pastor Jay shared a story about a 3-year-old girl named Lori who wanted her mom to help her put on her pj's. Her mom said, "You know how to do it yourself." To which Lori replied, "People need each other even when they know how to do it themselves." It reminded me of when I was four or five years old, and it was time to get ready for bed. I wanted Mom to put my jammies on for me. She did, even though she was busy taking care of my younger siblings. I think I just wanted some tlc from Mom, and it was so good that she was there for me, even though I could have taken care of myself. She was being a good example of unselfishness, kindness, patience, humility, and mommy-love.

Unconditional Love

"I will hear what God the Lord will speak, for He will speak peace to His people and to His saints; but let them not turn back to folly." Psalm 85:8
I was struck by this verse the other day, and my thought was that if I don't have peace in my heart, then I need to start listening to God. I was aware of a lack of peace in me, the chronic kind that goes back as far as I can remember, so that it's now a way of life.
Later I was on the phone with my sister, and I told her that I don't do instant messaging because I feel bad when I have to end the conversation. She said, why do we have so much guilt? I said, "I don't know."
Then yesterday I told my daughter Liz that I could pick her up when she was done with classes, around 1:00. But I had forgotten that I was having lunch at a friend's house and wouldn't be available to pick Liz up. I couldn't call my daughter while she was in class, so I just became preoccupied with worry that she'd be angry at me. I had no reason to be worrying about this. She called me mid-morning and I apologized and told her she'd have to stay at school and take the bus home. She wasn't angry at all.
I share this because this is how my mind works every day. I wrote in my journal that I get tired of feeling condemned. In my mind it's not OK to be imperfect or to not make life go smoothly. Because perfection is the only way to stop the (inaudible) accusing, angry voice. I keep expecting everyone, even God, to be angry at me if I mess up even a little.
I decided to read Romans 8 because I like the part where it says, God is the one justifies; who is he that condemns? That's verses 33-34. But when I started reading, God was speaking to my need long before verse 33. Verse one says, "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Thank You Lord!
Then I went to Hosea 2 because it's such a beautiful story of how God approaches sinful people. He says, "I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her. I will give her her vineyards from there, and the Valley of Achor (trouble) as a door of hope; she shall sing there....And it shall be, in that day," says the Lord, "that you will call Me 'My Husband', and no longer call Me 'My Master,' for I will take from her mouth the names of the Baals [idols], and they shall be remembered by their name no more." ....."I will betroth you to Me forever"....."Then I will say to those who were not My people, 'You are My people!' and they shall say, 'You are my God!'" There's not an ounce of anger or condemnation in this. Instead the Lord not only is going to marry the sinful woman, He also is going to give her a heart that loves and worships Him, so that she forgets her love of idols. He does it all!
To close, I'm going to share some lyrics from 10th Ave. North that I heard when I was worried that Liz would be mad. This was very comforting to me, and I think it reflects God's heart. The song is "By Your Side":
Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let Me lift up your face
Just don't turn away......
'Cause I'll be by your side whenever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you.

Who Are We?

Let's start with who we are not. For all who believe in Jesus, the old, sinful self is dead and we are no longer slaves of sin (Romans 6:3-7).
Now for who we are. We are born again, born of God's Spirit (John 3:3-8). We are the holy temple of God's Spirit. Jesus and His Father have made their home in our hearts, and they're not moving out (John 14:23, Hosea 2:19). God has given us spiritual life in Jesus (1 John 5:11). Jesus described this life as rivers of living water flowing out of our hearts (John 7:38). Sign me up! Oh yeah, I'm already signed up.
The Christian life is about living according to who God has made us to be. Ephesians 4:22-24 says to "put off....the old man"--the old lifestyle and thought patterns of that sinful dude who died--"be renewed in the spirit of your mind"--line up our thinking with God's truth--"put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness." I think this means that, in total dependence on God, we live as the righteous, holy people that we are in Christ.
A personal example: My old, sinful self had a habit of withdrawing from friendships if things started to get rocky. As soon as fear of rejection set in, I'd be looking for a place to hide. Or a safe distance from which I could examine the other person's faults and deem them unworthy of my company. Mind renewal: There are no loser Christians. In Christ I am amazing; and I am able to see His love and wholeheartedly share it with others. My brothers and sisters in Christ are amazing, and able to receive His love and share it with me, wholeheartedly. In the unlikely event of rejection, Jesus will be there for me (John 9:35-37), and He understands rejection (way too well, see Isaiah 53:3). Hey, this train of thought could lead to joy!

The Lord is my Shepherd

"He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. -Psalm 23:3
This verse was in this morning's sermon, and it reminded me of a time that God used this verse to comfort and encourage me. I was having some significant difficulties in my relationship with my oldest daughter, and it had become obvious that a lot of the problem was me. I woke at 4 a.m. one day, and began wondering and worrying about what in the world was wrong with me. God brought to mind this verse from Psalm 23, and He told me that the sheep doesn't have to figure it all out; the sheep only needs to follow the Shepherd. That was exactly what I needed at that moment; and the Lord has reminded me of it many times since then. Life is so difficult and complicated; it's easy to see that we weren't meant to live independently of God. It reminds me of a song that Randy Stonehill sang in the 70s:
All alone, drifting wild
Like a ship that's lost out in the ocean
Everyone's a homeless child
It's not hard to understand
Why we need a Father's hand.

There's a rainbow somewhere
You were born to be there
You're just running in circles
Till you reach out your hand to the King of hearts.

Confession

Yesterday I read this verse in James 5: "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed." Confessing sin isn't fun, but here's my confession: Sometimes I think that nobody cares about me. And lately God has shown me that this isn't true, because Christians are taught by God to love one another (1 Thessalonians 4:9), so my brothers and sisters in the faith do love me. And it's sin to not believe the truth. It also hurts people who love me when I think they don't love me.
This is a big change of perspective for me. It's easy for me to feel like the misfit, but there really aren't any misfits in God's family, are there? 1 Corinthians 12:7 says that the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all. Sounds to me like we all fit in, and are needed. Awesome!

Harold and Maude

I watched this movie last night--wow, it was bizarre, and, though rated pg, it promoted terrible morals (including theft and evading police)--not meant to be taken too seriously though. It was a very odd combination of sad and hilarious. The back of the dvd case said that it is a cult movie (like Rocky Horror Picture Show). Yes, definitely. Anyway, here's my favorite quote:
Maude: "A lot of people enjoy being dead. But they are not dead, really. They're just backing away from life. Reach out. Take a chance. Get hurt even. But play as well as you can. Go team go! Give me an L. Give me an I. Give me a V. Give me an E. L-I-V-E. LIVE! Otherwise, you got nothing to talk about in the locker room."

They shall be My people

There was a difficult day last week when I barked at the girls and they (not surprisingly) replied angrily. At our house some of us struggle with being critical and harsh. I went for a walk because I was angry, frustrated, and sick of it all. Five minutes into my walk, God told me to go back and love those girls. I knew He was going to tell me that; sometimes He is predictable! I knew that when I walked back into my house, I could be met with more disrespectful talk and more insulting and discouraging "humor". The amazing thing is that I did find the love in my heart to go back home and reconnect with my children. And because I was believing that Jesus was in my heart, it wasn't even that hard, and things went better. That day I saw that the love of God really is in my heart (Romans 5:5), because I know that apart from Him I wouldn't be able to love when it's hard.
1 John 2:5-6 By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked....
I pray that you and I will experience what this verse means.

God Showed Up Again

This post is going to be amazingly similar to the one from January 24. Evidently I end up fighting the same battle more than once, though it's much more like just watching God fight the battle. I feel stupid sharing this struggle, but God's deliverance was so awesome that I just have to share.
Again I was feeling that I was unimportant, invisible, alone, even nonexistent. When I got to the part about feeling nonexistent, I got scared and decided I needed intervention from God. All I did was think, what's the truth (no fancy praying whatsoever), and the Lord immediately showed up in a big way, bringing the two-edged sword with Him. He reminded me of 1 Corinthians 3:16, "Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?" What this verse means to me is that God gave HIMSELF to me to live in me. That makes me hugely important, significant, even glorious. Ephesians 1:4-6 also came to mind. It says that before God created the world, He chose me to be holy and blameless in Christ, and He adopted me as His child, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made me accepted in the Beloved. My dark thoughts were quickly gone as soon as the Light showed up. God brought His truth crashing into lies, and He overwhelmingly conquered! AND He did this for little old me, more than once. So that I have reason to believe He would help me again, with whatever need I have.
A recurring theme in these distressed moments of mine is that I'm surprised that I don't have to pray a certain way to be heard. It seems that God accepts me even when I'm not making an effort to impress Him. I know I'm stating the obvious, but I don't always believe that.
I want Jesus to live His life through me. Maybe this isn't a complicated ritual. Maybe I really am one spirit with the Lord (1 Corinthians 6:17). Maybe the (spiritual) space in between Jesus and me is imaginary. Maybe the reality is that my life is now hidden with Christ in God, forever (Col.3:3, John 14:16-17). One more Scripture: John 14:20: (Jesus speaking) "I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you." Matthew Henry's commentary says that this means intimate, inseparable union.
I'm starting to get a little better understanding of this union. It's wonderful!

Mercy Needed

My three oldest daughters have all said that I don't like children, so why did I have so many?
Yesterday, Liz, Kelly and I all told each other what bugs us about each other. It was pretty discouraging. And Kara said that I was unfair, which I probably was. I know I'm not that good of a mom. I don't feel like a good person or a forgiven person. I want to give up. (Haven't I been here before and Jesus told me that He forgave me?)
Psalm 42:11 Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help [salvation] of my countenance and my God.
Psalm 147:10-11 He takes no pleasure in the legs of a man. The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those who hope in His mercy.
Maybe I could hope in His mercy and forgiveness. It would be nice to have someone be pleased with me.

Rachel

My daughter has a friend, Rachel Saxe, who is amazing. When Jana had her sixth birthday party a few years ago, Rachel came with us on a long drive to Funtastic Fun (it's pretty much a kids' paradise), only to discover it was closed. We went across the street to the Hamburger Stand to get some drinks, and while we were there, Jana threw up. She continued to throw up throughout the half-hour drive home. In my mind the day was definitely ruined. But Rachel sat there cheerily chattering away as if nothing had gone wrong. I apologized for the whole ordeal, and she said, "Oh that's all right." Her response to the situation was so far from what I expected from a six-year-old. I think Rachel Saxe knows something I don't know. It reminds me of Proverbs 15:15: All the days of the afflicted are evil, but he who is of a merry heart has a continual feast.

GI Joe Underwater

If you don't get this title, it's OK; it's a had-to-be there thing. Anyway, here are some good lyrics from "Oceans from the Rain" by Seventh Day Slumber:

I'm amazed by You
Cause You're never far away
And all that I've been through
Your love has never changed.

You make oceans from the rain
Breathing life into this place
And I will drown inside Your love
Until I see Your perfect face.

It makes me think of the apostle Paul's prayer:
that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be the glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:16-21

To Jesus

You're all I want
You're all I ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know You are near.
(Lyrics from "Draw Me Close")

Born of God

Last night some of my daughter's friends came over and we were talking about 1 John 3:9 which says, "Whoever has been born of God does not sin, for His seed remains in him; and he cannot sin, because he has been born of God." The obvious question came up: why then do we sin? And, why is it so hard to not sin? (I'm sure I heard that second question even if it wasn't said out loud). I brought up 2 Corinthians 5:21 which says that we are the righteousness of God in Christ. This isn't just a theory, this is reality. In our spirit, we Christians are totally righteous. And our spirit is who we really are. Our flesh isn't who we are. So our tendency is to do what's right, right? And our desire is also to do what's right; everyone seemed to agree on that. Then it should be easy to not sin. Why isn't it?
Let's say I'm angry at someone. I've been there before. Here's where I go wrong: I focus on my irritation and forget about Jesus. We were never meant to live independent of God. It doesn't work to try to do life without God. Adam and Eve could tell you about that. That's why they ended up wearing fig leaves and hiding. They wanted to be like God. So they ate the fruit and the rest is sad sad history. Here's what happens when I turn my attention to Jesus and say, Lord, how do You want to love this person through me? He shows me how precious that person is in His eyes. He shows me what the person needs. He shows me how He meets my need. He lets me see through His loving eyes. And because I know and believe that He has put His love in my heart, I know that I can love instead of spewing anger. This really works.

An Apology and a Prayer to My Heavenly Dad

OOPS!
I am so sorry you guys, I'm not used to communicating by computer, and I haven't read most of your comments, until last night. But they were all SO encouraging, thank you all for being so kind. Joe, thanks for your patience; Jeff has your email address and he said he'd write to you. All this time I've been wondering who jocat85 was; I didn't know it was you. It was so good to hear from you. Anyway, sorry everybody for not acknowledging your comments; they were all so wonderful! I'm so thankful for my great friends.

And since tomorrow is Father's Day, I wanted to write something to the Lord:

Abba,
Thank You that you let me know that You are my Father and I am Your child. Thank You that You delight in me, enjoy me, and rejoice over me with singing and shouts of joy! Thank You that you are always with me, holding my hand. Thank you how, as a father carries his child, You have carried me through all the wildernesses of my life. When I look into Your face I see Your kindness, Your compassion, your unconditional, unfailing love, your everlasting devotion, your patience, and Your joy. You encourage me, You strengthen me, you protect me with Your strong hands, You guide me with Your counsel. Thank You that I'm in Your family forever. I love You.
Your daughter.
(See Romans 8:15-16, Zephaniah 3:17, Psalm 73:23-24, Deuteronomy 1:31, Psalm 23:6)

Busyness

School is done for the summer (except that I'm trying to teach Spanish to my two youngest girls), and for the most part we are living life at a somewhat leisurely pace. Still, with six people in our house all wanting to have a life, it gets hectic some days. The other day I was rushing around with too much to cram into a morning, and it put me in a bad mood. Later I was reading a prayer in a devotional (31 Days of Praise, an awesome book): "I thank You...for each thing that triggers in me anxiety". As I read these words, I wasn't really thankful because anxiety isn't fun. When I was stressed, I didn't talk to God about it because I was in a hurry. But Jesus said to the stressed-out Martha (Luke 10:42), "one thing is needed". The one thing He was referring to was sitting at His feet and listening to His word. Anyhow, how long would it have taken me to say, "Lord, I need Your peace and guidance right now. Keep my eyes on You." If I had turned my thoughts to Jesus I would have realized that He isn't stressed at all, and I had no reason to be either.
Later that same day, I took Liz and Kelly to get their hair cut. I had brought along a book to read while waiting, and I left it in the car. So I picked up the July issue of Ladies' Home Journal, and started reading an article about prayer. It was fascinating. A neuroscientist named Andrew Newberg (author of How God Changes Your Brain: Breakthrough Findings from a Leading Neuroscientist) did a study in 2001 in which Tibetan Buddhists were asked to meditate and Franciscan nuns were asked to pray. When they reached a place of deep contemplation, their brains were scanned. Surprisingly, the scan showed that the superior parietal lobe, the part of the brain that tells us where our body stops and the rest of the world starts, had shut down. The article said, "With no sensory input coming in, the brain can't distunguish between self and not-self. You feel at one with--well, whatever you're inclined to feel at one with. Humanity. The universe. God......When the self dissolves, the worries and stress that usually batter the self go away, too." How interesting that a brain scan would validate what the Bible says: "he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him." (I Corinthians 6:17) And Jesus said, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28). Thank You Lord.

Forgiving Myself and a Message from God

Forgiving Myself:

Bret was my mentor during Exchanged Lives' class, and he helped me pray through a fairly long list of judgments I have made against myself. Here's the list of stuff I had been judging myself for, and that I forgave myself for: 1)judging myself (Matt. 7:1), 2) thinking I'm a social failure with no hope of change, 3) thinking that nobody cares about me, 4) thinking that I am alone, 5) thinking that I don't belong on this planet, 6) thinking that I'm invisible and unimportant, 7) believing that I am worthless and unworthy, 8) believing that nobody likes me, 9) thinking I have to be perfect, and 10) my failures as a mom.
After forgiving myself for all that, I realized a few things: 1) judging myself is wrong, 2) God forgave me for all of this long ago; my sin doesn't bother God (OK He hates sin, but Jesus took my sin AWAY!) He has completely forgotten it (Hebrews 8:12); all of my sin is completely GONE from His mind, and 3) because I am in Christ, none of this negative stuff is true about the real me. The new person that God made me is loving, righteous, good, even worthy of respect and honor.
After Bret and I prayed through this, he said to me, "Look into the face of Jesus. What do you see?" The thought of it put a thrill in my heart because Jesus is my Bridegroom! I got a picture in my mind, but I couldn't see a face. There was just light and warmth coming from the Lord, and the warmth was His love; I could feel it in my heart. Bret asked me what I sensed He was saying to me, and it was this: "I love you as you are, even if you don't do everything right." For someone with a long history of perfectionism, this was wonderful to hear.
All of this freed me from a bunch of guilt and shame, and it felt GOOD. I felt like, maybe I'm OK after all. God and Bret helped me a lot, and there was a lot of joy in it.

A Message from God

God gave Bret this message for me, and I love it:
"...He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy."
Daughter,
I enjoy you; you make Me smile. I want you to see yourself as I see you; you are precious to Me. Know My joy over you and joy will permeate your life. I have placed gifts in you which are like treasures to be discovered. I will be to you the Father you have always wanted. I enjoy walking with you, daughter."
Love,
God

I share this because even though it is very special to me, it's not just for me; God feels this way about all of His children. May Jesus bless you with His love for you.

If I Could Start Over

If I could start my life over again, I would value each person for themselves, as they are, because God has made everybody amazing. There was a time when I thought that what God wanted from me was for me to preach to everyone and help them follow Him. I thought God valued people according to their behavior and accomplishments. I didn't think God liked us as we are, apart from what we do. I wasn't fully aware that this is what I believed; sometimes people say they believe something, and their life shows that, whether they realize it or not, they really believe something else. And because I thought God was judging us like that, I was judging everyone like that too. To all of you who have been hurt by my judgmental attitude, I'm very sorry. Please forgive me.
Here's the truth: God loves all of us enough that He sent His only Son to die for us. He values us that much. All of us.
Thank you Lord.

Arguing with God

In my quiet time the other day I read 2 Corinthians 6:11: "We have spoken freely to you, our heart is wide open." I knew it was a message to me: tear down the wall around your heart and love people, even if your heart gets stepped on. Um, I didn't want to do that, because at some point in my life I decided that most people on this planet don't care about me, and at this particular moment I was angry (hurt too, but mostly angry), and I thought that the familiar loneliness behind my wall wouldn't be so bad. I know how to live with that (the term "live" being used loosely).
One problem: Jesus wasn't agreeing with me. He reminded me of John 12:26: "If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also ." Jesus was saying to me, "You know those people that you don't want to love? I'm going to them. Are you coming? In my mind I could see Him walking away. Not that He would ever leave me. He absolutely would not. But if I choose my own way, it could feel like He wasn't with me, and I knew that. Ummmmmmmmm.........................(some pausing and pondering)
In the end I said yes to Him. This is how He turned my heart around: He reminded me of a time when my way of living was full of harshness, coldness and blindness, and He patiently led me to some people who helped me out of that mess. And He helped some people forgive me. I knew it was my turn to be patient and forbearing, if needed. I prayed, "Yes, Lord, I'll go with You." And there was a wonderful peace in my heart. It's a bit alarming that I came so close to making a majorly bad decision, but it's very reassuring to see how God turned me around. His Spirit bore witness with my spirit that I am His child, with a heart like His. (see Romans 8:16)
Here are some lyrics from a song by Steele Crosswhite called "Heartbeat":

Bring me so close that I can hear nothing more

Only the heartbeat of the Lord.

(By the way, God says yes to the request in those lyrics. See James 4:8)

Breakfast Conversation

This morning my 11-year-old, Kara, said she had dreamed that she hatched a chicken egg with an improvised incubator made from a lamp and a drawer. My Kara has such a nurturing heart; she even dreams about taking care of somebody. She has a pet rabbit, Bella, who is the most pampered rabbit in the world.
Bella had joined us for this conversation, and I started wondering out loud how the world must look to an animal that has eyes on the sides of its head, and how its brain processes that. Then my oldest daughter, Amy, told us about what she's been learning about human vision. She said our eyes see upside down, and our brain interprets it as rightside up. I think there's a spiritual analogy here. Ephesians 4:15 and 5:30 speak of the church as a body, with Jesus as its head, which of course includes the brain. Jesus takes our upside down view of life and turns it rightside up so we can see things as they are!
But Jesus doesn't just help us see; He also gives careful, loving attention to every member of His body: every person's needs (Philippians 4:19), every person's every thought (Psalm 139:1-2). "How precious...are Your thoughts to me, O God!....Keep me as the apple of Your eye (Psalm 139:17, 17:8).

Purple Pegasus and Cookie Monster Cousin

by Jana Anderson

As the purple pegasus approached another overgrown bush, a skunk appeared. Utterly terrified, he made a dash for home. As he stood panting in the kitchen, a door knocked. (He has 42 front doors and 68 back ones.) He raced to open them. Finally door #28B concealed his cousin, who gave him cookies. As they munched tea and drank cookies, his cousin declared it was only 2 years till his birthday. He gave the purple pegasus his wish list:
Wish List
potatoes
unicorn
black cat
cookies
cookies
cookies
cookies
cookies
cookies
throw blankets
throw pillows
cheese
pie
cookies
P.S. The purple pegasus is still sick with pink disease. (Eating tea and drinking cookies is a wonderful antidote.)
P.P.S. The purple pegasus's official name is: Purple Pegasus Lightbulb The

Under His Wings

One of the most poignant moments in Jesus' life was when He looked over Jerusalem and said, "How often I wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings, but you wouldn't let me." (Matthew 23:37). When His people rejected Him, it was the death of His dream. He has the same dream for all of us. He wants to bring us near and keep us there, safe and secure. Forever. Life is in Him (Romans 6:23): in His love, in His protection, in His constant, faithful care, in His comfort, in His family, in His warm embrace, in His joy, in His affection, in His compassion. Sometimes I can almost see His smiling face, always so delighted that I belong to Him.

Purple Pegasus Update

by Jana Anderson

The Purple Pegasus is kidnapping cats. He has kidnapped eight of them. He gives them to his brother, the Green Pegasus, who lives in the Green Hat Mountains. The Green Pegasus is lonely and the Purple Pegasus gives the cats to him to be his friends. The cats like the Green Pegasus, but don't like the Purple Pegasus, so they disown him and he goes to live with his sister, the Incredibly Pink Pegasus. The Incredibly Pink Pegasus agrees to let him stay if he paints her refrigerator (the only thing in the house not pink) pink. But soon he leaves the house because he is sick with pink disease. Then he buys a house that IS NOT pink.

Why Can't I Be Perfect Now?

Well, God doesn't always answer those why questions, so I'm going to start by saying that what I'm about to write is just a guess on my part. A clue that I see is Romans 11:32: "God has shut up all in disobedience so that He may show mercy to all." Of course, if we never sinned, we would never experience God's mercy because we wouldn't need it. If we earned God's love, we wouldn't see how deeep His love is. We wouldn't see that He is the God who loves His enemies and is kind to unthankful and evil people. It seems that God considers the display of His mercy a higher priority than the immediate perfection of His people. Ummm, I could find myself disagreeing with God on this, since sin can be so messy and SO hurtful, but, as the next verse (Romans 11:33) points out, God's wisdom is unfathomable. My wisdom isn't unfathomable, so I'm just going to enjoy all that mercy. Thank you Lord!

Poetic License Is a Wonderful Thing!

How the Purple Pegasus Came to Be

by Jana Anderson

The black and cream cat is me,

And I will tell you how the purple pegasus came to be.

It came from us cats you see;

Two ordinary cats,

Though they liked to wear hats...

Bob and Tether (they had the world's biggest litter.)

Fred and George, Missy and me, and Hether and Fether,

Finally Missy and Mittens,

Had a purple pegasus and named it Pippins.

Mom's comment: "It defies all genetic science, but it's cute and it rhymes."

Undaunted, Jana exclaimed, "It's a poem!"

Protection

The other day my 11-year-old and I were reading about Job, and when we got to the part where Job's children all got killed, I started crying. A lot of my tearfulness was about fear. I've had so many nightmares where one of my girls is dangling from a dangerous height, and I'm trying to figure out how to rescue her. No one has ever died in my dreams, but no one has been rescued either. Maybe God is trying to tell me that I can't protect my children from everything, and I'll have to trust Him for that.

In my journal I wrote these verses from Psalm 91:
Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, even the Most High, your dwelling place, no evil shall befall you, nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; for He shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways....
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him My salvation.
Psalm 91:9-11, 15
Thank You Lord.

Easter is Coming!

Easter is about the life God gave us in Christ, because He loves us, and today He helped me understand His love better. I was lying in bed with aches and draining sinuses, and I was thinking about all the work that needed to be done. I tend to think I have to be a hard worker to justify my existence, so lying around makes me feel worthless; it was really bumming me out today. I asked the Lord, "Am I valuable to You even when I'm not doing anything?" And His reply was: Romans 5:8 "God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." In other words, before we even had any desire to serve God, He spent His Son's precious blood on us because He values us that much! Meaning that I am still precious to Him even when I'm not doing anything. Oh how He loves us!

A Rescue and an Identity

God did two really amazing things for me this week. As part of my class at Exchanged Lives, I spend some one-on-one time with a supervisor. I had talked to my supervisor, Bret, about how I tend to feel unimportant, unloved (in spite of the fact that people DO love me) and worthless. I was getting ready to go back and meet with Bret so we could pray through that stuff. I was getting apprehensive because even though Bret is an exceptionally kindhearted man, I was not wanting him to learn more about how much of a confused and clueless loser I am. At that point my thoughts of being a loser got so intense, like: nobody wants me and I don't belong on this planet; I'm unworthy to breathe the air, and I'm alone. In my mind was a picture of me being pushed further and further into a dark hole, and I was scared. At this point I wondered, where is God? And immediately the Lord put a song into my mind:
You are my hiding place,
You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You
I will trust in You
Let the weak say I am strong in the strength of my Lord.
This song comes from Psalm 32 and Psalm 56. It calmed me right down, and it was so wonderful to see God come to the rescue of the damsel in distress. The other thing that impressed me was that I didn't have to compose a religious prayer to get His attention. I didn't even have a chance to pray for help, yet there He was in an instant to pull me out of my darkness.
Two days later I prayed with Bret and forgave myself for all the judgments I had made against myself--all the many ways that I believed I was a failure, worthless, etc. Bret explained to me that it says in Matthew 7:1 that we shouldn't judge, and that includes judging ourselves. After forgiving myself, I realized that God had long ago forgiven me for all that. And continuing the train of thought, I saw that when God looks at me, He never ever sees sin; it's forgiven. He only sees His goodness that He put in me. And I need to see myself the way God sees me; otherwise I'm not seeing the truth. I came away thinking, maybe I'm OK after all. This has given me a lot of happiness, and confidence.
(Dear sister Susan, rejoice, rejoice; your sister may have finally stopped being hard on herself).

Thoughts from Malcolm Smith about God's Love

For my Exchanged Lives class, I listened to a message by Malcolm Smith which was very good. Here are some thoughts I got from it: "Toxic love" is when we need to be needed by others. Sometimes we also need to be able to fix others. (The truth is that only God can fix them). Toxic love is looking to others for love and appreciation. It is us trying to be what others want us to be. Real love starts with us knowing God's love for us and how much He values us. God decided that we were worth the blood of His Son. That's unlimited value. When we know that we're loved by God unconditionally, we repent of trying to earn His love. That changes our relationships with others. We are no longer coming to them trying to suck love out of them. We know we're valued.
All real love comes from God, even if it comes to us through people. When we know this, if human love fails, we know that God Himself makes up for it.
If we get our significance from God, we don't have to try to get it from our job, and trying to do our job perfectly.
People who know God's love can give and receive. People in the "toxic love" mindset can't receive honor that comes to them from others. They feel unworthy and are operating out of their shame.
My conclusion from all of this is that we need to get to know God's unconditional love and be secure in that. Then we're free to give others the same kind of love.

Another Lie

Well, if you haven't read my last post, you might want to read it before you read this one, because this is a continuation of that story. I was talking about the lie that I tend to believe, that I have to be perfect to be accepted by God. Well, here's the other lie I tend to believe: that I am worthless and a failure. I believe this because I'm used to defining myself apart from God. And believing yet another lie: that life is done independently of God. In my case, I think I should be doing life well even though I'm looking to my own resources, not God's. That doesn't work. No wonder I worry about failure. Failure is inevitable, or as Jesus put it: "Apart from Me you can do nothing."
Here's the truth about who I am: God abides in me, and I in God (1 John 4:15). Wow. Like, really wow. That makes me amazing, but only in Christ, not apart from Him. Here's what else God says about me: He loves me so much that He made me His child, just because I accepted His gift of salvation in Jesus. He values me so much that He sent His only Son to die so that I could be His,
forever. I am valuable because I am valued by God. So are you. I pray that God will reveal His love to our hearts more and more.

A Wonderful God Moment

I was reading in Luke 15 about the prodigal son and I got to the part where he says, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son." I wrote in my journal, "I so feel this." Not that I was feeling guilty about any particular sin. I just walk around in that mode a lot. I then went to lyrics.com and clicked on Casting Crowns' song, "East to West". The song started playing and there was a video with it. I saw a man lying on the floor of a jail cell, motionless, the picture of hopelessness and despair. It made me cry. I can so relate to that feeling of giving up and having no hope. I think it comes from being a perfectionist. I think I have to be perfect to be accepted by God and others (in spite of the fact that nothing could be further from the truth). If I think I have to be perfect to be accepted, then of course I expect rejection. It's a sad cloud to live under. BUT: It's a lie! Hallelujah, it's a lie! Here's the truth about how God feels about sinners: "when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him." The unconditional love of God makes me so happy.
By the way, "East to West" is a great song. I like the line that says, "in the arms of Your mercy I find rest." Hey, just like the prodigal son's father.

January's letter of the month: S for snow

And did you know that snowflakes are formed around particles of dust? God turns dirt into beauty, I love it! It reminds me of Isaiah 1:18 "Come now, let us reason together," says the Lord. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow." I need that so much; thank the Lord.