There was a difficult day last week when I barked at the girls and they (not surprisingly) replied angrily. At our house some of us struggle with being critical and harsh. I went for a walk because I was angry, frustrated, and sick of it all. Five minutes into my walk, God told me to go back and love those girls. I knew He was going to tell me that; sometimes He is predictable! I knew that when I walked back into my house, I could be met with more disrespectful talk and more insulting and discouraging "humor". The amazing thing is that I did find the love in my heart to go back home and reconnect with my children. And because I was believing that Jesus was in my heart, it wasn't even that hard, and things went better. That day I saw that the love of God really is in my heart (Romans 5:5), because I know that apart from Him I wouldn't be able to love when it's hard.
1 John 2:5-6 By this we know that we are in Him. He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked....
I pray that you and I will experience what this verse means.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
God Showed Up Again
This post is going to be amazingly similar to the one from January 24. Evidently I end up fighting the same battle more than once, though it's much more like just watching God fight the battle. I feel stupid sharing this struggle, but God's deliverance was so awesome that I just have to share.
Again I was feeling that I was unimportant, invisible, alone, even nonexistent. When I got to the part about feeling nonexistent, I got scared and decided I needed intervention from God. All I did was think, what's the truth (no fancy praying whatsoever), and the Lord immediately showed up in a big way, bringing the two-edged sword with Him. He reminded me of 1 Corinthians 3:16, "Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?" What this verse means to me is that God gave HIMSELF to me to live in me. That makes me hugely important, significant, even glorious. Ephesians 1:4-6 also came to mind. It says that before God created the world, He chose me to be holy and blameless in Christ, and He adopted me as His child, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made me accepted in the Beloved. My dark thoughts were quickly gone as soon as the Light showed up. God brought His truth crashing into lies, and He overwhelmingly conquered! AND He did this for little old me, more than once. So that I have reason to believe He would help me again, with whatever need I have.
A recurring theme in these distressed moments of mine is that I'm surprised that I don't have to pray a certain way to be heard. It seems that God accepts me even when I'm not making an effort to impress Him. I know I'm stating the obvious, but I don't always believe that.
I want Jesus to live His life through me. Maybe this isn't a complicated ritual. Maybe I really am one spirit with the Lord (1 Corinthians 6:17). Maybe the (spiritual) space in between Jesus and me is imaginary. Maybe the reality is that my life is now hidden with Christ in God, forever (Col.3:3, John 14:16-17). One more Scripture: John 14:20: (Jesus speaking) "I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you." Matthew Henry's commentary says that this means intimate, inseparable union.
I'm starting to get a little better understanding of this union. It's wonderful!
Again I was feeling that I was unimportant, invisible, alone, even nonexistent. When I got to the part about feeling nonexistent, I got scared and decided I needed intervention from God. All I did was think, what's the truth (no fancy praying whatsoever), and the Lord immediately showed up in a big way, bringing the two-edged sword with Him. He reminded me of 1 Corinthians 3:16, "Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?" What this verse means to me is that God gave HIMSELF to me to live in me. That makes me hugely important, significant, even glorious. Ephesians 1:4-6 also came to mind. It says that before God created the world, He chose me to be holy and blameless in Christ, and He adopted me as His child, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made me accepted in the Beloved. My dark thoughts were quickly gone as soon as the Light showed up. God brought His truth crashing into lies, and He overwhelmingly conquered! AND He did this for little old me, more than once. So that I have reason to believe He would help me again, with whatever need I have.
A recurring theme in these distressed moments of mine is that I'm surprised that I don't have to pray a certain way to be heard. It seems that God accepts me even when I'm not making an effort to impress Him. I know I'm stating the obvious, but I don't always believe that.
I want Jesus to live His life through me. Maybe this isn't a complicated ritual. Maybe I really am one spirit with the Lord (1 Corinthians 6:17). Maybe the (spiritual) space in between Jesus and me is imaginary. Maybe the reality is that my life is now hidden with Christ in God, forever (Col.3:3, John 14:16-17). One more Scripture: John 14:20: (Jesus speaking) "I am in My Father, and you in Me, and I in you." Matthew Henry's commentary says that this means intimate, inseparable union.
I'm starting to get a little better understanding of this union. It's wonderful!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Mercy Needed
My three oldest daughters have all said that I don't like children, so why did I have so many?
Yesterday, Liz, Kelly and I all told each other what bugs us about each other. It was pretty discouraging. And Kara said that I was unfair, which I probably was. I know I'm not that good of a mom. I don't feel like a good person or a forgiven person. I want to give up. (Haven't I been here before and Jesus told me that He forgave me?)
Psalm 42:11 Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help [salvation] of my countenance and my God.
Psalm 147:10-11 He takes no pleasure in the legs of a man. The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those who hope in His mercy.
Maybe I could hope in His mercy and forgiveness. It would be nice to have someone be pleased with me.
Yesterday, Liz, Kelly and I all told each other what bugs us about each other. It was pretty discouraging. And Kara said that I was unfair, which I probably was. I know I'm not that good of a mom. I don't feel like a good person or a forgiven person. I want to give up. (Haven't I been here before and Jesus told me that He forgave me?)
Psalm 42:11 Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help [salvation] of my countenance and my God.
Psalm 147:10-11 He takes no pleasure in the legs of a man. The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those who hope in His mercy.
Maybe I could hope in His mercy and forgiveness. It would be nice to have someone be pleased with me.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Rachel
My daughter has a friend, Rachel Saxe, who is amazing. When Jana had her sixth birthday party a few years ago, Rachel came with us on a long drive to Funtastic Fun (it's pretty much a kids' paradise), only to discover it was closed. We went across the street to the Hamburger Stand to get some drinks, and while we were there, Jana threw up. She continued to throw up throughout the half-hour drive home. In my mind the day was definitely ruined. But Rachel sat there cheerily chattering away as if nothing had gone wrong. I apologized for the whole ordeal, and she said, "Oh that's all right." Her response to the situation was so far from what I expected from a six-year-old. I think Rachel Saxe knows something I don't know. It reminds me of Proverbs 15:15: All the days of the afflicted are evil, but he who is of a merry heart has a continual feast.
GI Joe Underwater
If you don't get this title, it's OK; it's a had-to-be there thing. Anyway, here are some good lyrics from "Oceans from the Rain" by Seventh Day Slumber:
I'm amazed by You
Cause You're never far away
And all that I've been through
Your love has never changed.
You make oceans from the rain
Breathing life into this place
And I will drown inside Your love
Until I see Your perfect face.
It makes me think of the apostle Paul's prayer:
that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be the glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:16-21
I'm amazed by You
Cause You're never far away
And all that I've been through
Your love has never changed.
You make oceans from the rain
Breathing life into this place
And I will drown inside Your love
Until I see Your perfect face.
It makes me think of the apostle Paul's prayer:
that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be the glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. Ephesians 3:16-21
Friday, July 2, 2010
To Jesus
You're all I want
You're all I ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know You are near.
(Lyrics from "Draw Me Close")
You're all I ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know You are near.
(Lyrics from "Draw Me Close")
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