For my Exchanged Lives class, I listened to a message by Malcolm Smith which was very good. Here are some thoughts I got from it: "Toxic love" is when we need to be needed by others. Sometimes we also need to be able to fix others. (The truth is that only God can fix them). Toxic love is looking to others for love and appreciation. It is us trying to be what others want us to be. Real love starts with us knowing God's love for us and how much He values us. God decided that we were worth the blood of His Son. That's unlimited value. When we know that we're loved by God unconditionally, we repent of trying to earn His love. That changes our relationships with others. We are no longer coming to them trying to suck love out of them. We know we're valued.
All real love comes from God, even if it comes to us through people. When we know this, if human love fails, we know that God Himself makes up for it.
If we get our significance from God, we don't have to try to get it from our job, and trying to do our job perfectly.
People who know God's love can give and receive. People in the "toxic love" mindset can't receive honor that comes to them from others. They feel unworthy and are operating out of their shame.
My conclusion from all of this is that we need to get to know God's unconditional love and be secure in that. Then we're free to give others the same kind of love.
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Good thoughts, Sandy! This is some really good stuff. : )
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