Thursday, May 13, 2010

Arguing with God

In my quiet time the other day I read 2 Corinthians 6:11: "We have spoken freely to you, our heart is wide open." I knew it was a message to me: tear down the wall around your heart and love people, even if your heart gets stepped on. Um, I didn't want to do that, because at some point in my life I decided that most people on this planet don't care about me, and at this particular moment I was angry (hurt too, but mostly angry), and I thought that the familiar loneliness behind my wall wouldn't be so bad. I know how to live with that (the term "live" being used loosely).
One problem: Jesus wasn't agreeing with me. He reminded me of John 12:26: "If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also ." Jesus was saying to me, "You know those people that you don't want to love? I'm going to them. Are you coming? In my mind I could see Him walking away. Not that He would ever leave me. He absolutely would not. But if I choose my own way, it could feel like He wasn't with me, and I knew that. Ummmmmmmmm.........................(some pausing and pondering)
In the end I said yes to Him. This is how He turned my heart around: He reminded me of a time when my way of living was full of harshness, coldness and blindness, and He patiently led me to some people who helped me out of that mess. And He helped some people forgive me. I knew it was my turn to be patient and forbearing, if needed. I prayed, "Yes, Lord, I'll go with You." And there was a wonderful peace in my heart. It's a bit alarming that I came so close to making a majorly bad decision, but it's very reassuring to see how God turned me around. His Spirit bore witness with my spirit that I am His child, with a heart like His. (see Romans 8:16)
Here are some lyrics from a song by Steele Crosswhite called "Heartbeat":
Bring me so close that I can hear nothing more
Only the heartbeat of the Lord.
(By the way, God says yes to the request in those lyrics. See James 4:8)

1 comment:

  1. Sandy,
    Thank you for honesty and openness in letting God and others behind the wall around your heart. As one who has learned to hide to not be hurt, the courage God has given you is reminder to me that we are part of a Body and walk together.

    Blessings,
    Bret

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