Forgiving Myself:
Bret was my mentor during Exchanged Lives' class, and he helped me pray through a fairly long list of judgments I have made against myself. Here's the list of stuff I had been judging myself for, and that I forgave myself for: 1)judging myself (Matt. 7:1), 2) thinking I'm a social failure with no hope of change, 3) thinking that nobody cares about me, 4) thinking that I am alone, 5) thinking that I don't belong on this planet, 6) thinking that I'm invisible and unimportant, 7) believing that I am worthless and unworthy, 8) believing that nobody likes me, 9) thinking I have to be perfect, and 10) my failures as a mom.
After forgiving myself for all that, I realized a few things: 1) judging myself is wrong, 2) God forgave me for all of this long ago; my sin doesn't bother God (OK He hates sin, but Jesus took my sin AWAY!) He has completely forgotten it (Hebrews 8:12); all of my sin is completely GONE from His mind, and 3) because I am in Christ, none of this negative stuff is true about the real me. The new person that God made me is loving, righteous, good, even worthy of respect and honor.
After Bret and I prayed through this, he said to me, "Look into the face of Jesus. What do you see?" The thought of it put a thrill in my heart because Jesus is my Bridegroom! I got a picture in my mind, but I couldn't see a face. There was just light and warmth coming from the Lord, and the warmth was His love; I could feel it in my heart. Bret asked me what I sensed He was saying to me, and it was this: "I love you as you are, even if you don't do everything right." For someone with a long history of perfectionism, this was wonderful to hear.
All of this freed me from a bunch of guilt and shame, and it felt GOOD. I felt like, maybe I'm OK after all. God and Bret helped me a lot, and there was a lot of joy in it.
A Message from God
God gave Bret this message for me, and I love it:
"...He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy."
Daughter,
I enjoy you; you make Me smile. I want you to see yourself as I see you; you are precious to Me. Know My joy over you and joy will permeate your life. I have placed gifts in you which are like treasures to be discovered. I will be to you the Father you have always wanted. I enjoy walking with you, daughter."
Love,
God
I share this because even though it is very special to me, it's not just for me; God feels this way about all of His children. May Jesus bless you with His love for you.
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Sandy, what a blessing to read your blog. I so appreciate your openness in sharing your heart. I could so relate to so many of your feelings that you have struggled with. Thank God that He has already won the victory and He is patient with us as we learn to yield our lives to Him.
ReplyDeleteMay mercy and peace and love be yours in abundance.
P.S. Tell Jana I enjoyed her story about the Purple Pegasus!
Lori S.